nzkoh89

NEW

2011-01-02T08:03:00.000-08:00

IMAC

decided that investing in powerful com is essential to productivity and more importantly, my development and learning

IPOD TOUCH

free package for university students that comes with IMAC. So just take it and learn it, since I'm already so poor with technology

FURNITURE ARRANGEMENT

more space for other options, and more welcoming

WALL COLOUR

I'm not sure about this but it makes the room look cleaner. But I'm now pretty afraid to touch them.

WALLET

changed from Brother's old GUCCI to TORINO LAMBOURGHINI. I don't know where I got it from. Finally to BRAUN BUFFEL, my 21st birthday present.

PHONE

using my dad's instead of army phone. ugh.

PENCIL BOX and COIN POUCH

I did this myself using shell dressing, and first aid dressing respectively

POSTERS

SEXY NUTS, RISE LORD VADER

CURTAINS

covers the window better and gives the room a nicer hue

2011 seems to wake up my idea for some reason. I feel more energetic and begin to fill my time more productively. Hopefully i can maintain this momentum and add more pace in future.

2010-11-22T01:36:00.000-08:00

Hello again. i know it has been ages since i posted anything. it’s because there’s nothing much to post about. i want to post things that are really relevant and are intriguing, and not rant on it. sometimes i felt like i should but i held back, because i don’t want it to sound really childish and arrogant. i briefly browsed through some of the posts that i created before and some of the topics i felt were so eww. maybe a portion of it remains true, the rest totally unnecessary. like wanting an SAF scholarship (i totally grew out of that idea).

This entry will be something like an ORD blog. talking a lot about soldiering life and my journey in it. i personally felt that i shouldnt give a spech like that in the depot firstly, in the prescence of ASRAMA and SIMILAX (codenamed due to sensitivity of course), i feel i can’t uphold my honour. whilst giving a speech like this, they’d be scoffing their ass off in their minds. second, the very lessons that i want people to learn aren’t always appreciated nor absorbed. it’s always been the case. furthermore, whatever id say wouldnt reach out to them as much as it will reach out to recruits/ cadets. this is a depot, of service soldiers, not combat soldiers. they wouldnt empathize with what im talking about, they may say they’ve been thru bmt, but bmt is not the litmus paper test to say that you have experienced what im talking about. even if they’ve been to service term equivalents, it’s not enough.

in the unit, i find that i cant inspire, i cant teach, and i lack a lot of opportunities. all the knowledge that ive garnered from UG, from OCS, isnt passed on. my UG gave me a lot of headstart in ns. all the diving stuff, parachutist stuff, marching drills (im ADVANCED drill trained mind you), weapons specifications, mission stuff is so damn irrelevant over here in the unit. there’s no danger area, no bounding overwatch, no GPMG, no Crossing of water obstacles, no survival skill training. im bored. bored to the sense that i entered the unit as a very NUA person, but fermented long enough to be energetic and enthusiastic. usually ppl serve and over time they are tired. i on the other hand, get more and more active and energetic. wierd isnt it? i love parades and drills as well. im damn DAMN disappointed that i can’t participate to march in national day as colours bearer. i’d only be bearing a SUPPLY and TRANSPORT colours, it’d be good enough. friends are bearing 3GDS, state colours, 1CDO, 2SIR etc. national day is an observance. no parades as well. oh sian. other units officers get to put on their swords on this day. mine’s rusting, along with my knowledge and my equipment at home.

__________

in bmt, i went to yankee company, rocky hill camp. i loved it. the air is fresh, my skin is good, it’s quiet, it’s secluded, we can wreak havoc! the culture is good, syncs with my beliefs, very objective, focus on fast march, shooting and ippt. the rest of the time relacjack, but get al the necessary things done. i was very happy and active then. my section was perhaps the best one. all of us are in command. 5OCS, 5SISPEC (1 platoon sgt even), 1 medic spec. 1 plt best and 1 best pt. we were the highly motivated laojiaos, older than most of the dudes in the platoon. and all of us were the party man, we were a high performance section. other sections are looking up to us. because we were plt1 sec1, we were sitest ICs, all of us. and because i was energetic, perhaps too much of it, i inevitably offended quite a number of people. it’s human nature, cant be helped much. when 2 parties have differing views and things get more and more ‘exciting’, there you go. i wanted to try for coy best, but yea, futile, not even plt best. some dudes see me as a very angkat person, some honestly do support. im v thankful for them =). i know my objectives and i know my actions. i dun do things for the popularity sake, ie angkat. i was made ic friggin twice coz the ps wanna make use of me. holy shit. too active for my own good sometimes.

moving on to OCS echo wing CLM, and tango wing SERVICE TERM. that was da bomb and da sex man. those were the days that im very proud of. i achieved things that i didnt really thought was possible like ippt gold (i hate running to the core), social night comm vice pres, while AOP, while training. that part really sucked big time, 25min fast march, 16km after section field camp, fantastic area cleaning, life under 1WO leechongmeng and LTC david. life was tough, life was strict, a lot of broken promises from them. well we are soldiers. in battle, promises are plain statements. we still have our friends to live in it with us, to experience life’s unfairness together. we became very close buddies. i have always believed that friendship, the super true ones, are always forged by hardship. it is also from hardship, we can see who’s the fucker, and who’s not. who’s trying and who’s not, who’s your friend and who’s not. i remember the brief moments when all the infantry boys stayed behind after the 30 or so km march graduating from service term. those moments were damn comical. hewlett knocked his head, area cleaned until ‘left 4 dead’, WSM false approach. 2 seconds... friggin 2 seconds. if you know what 2 seconds mean, then good, duno, nvm. hahaha

proterm starts in foxtrot wing. we weren't really welcomed initially, perhaps foxtrot service term has forged damn close relationships with their mates as we had in tango. and all the tango boys were complaining about the cleanliness, they must be thinking we are an ass. there was this learning festival going on i buddied up bernard then. when the doctors, left, it was pretty heart wrenching to see dudes, who have stood by you for 15weeks just leave you suddenly like that. yuguang, my proterm first buddy was one of those. but all the best, they are the smart asses gonna go to school to do their smart ass thing. and they will do well coz they are the smart asses. it’s a sooner or later kind of thing. maybe to them their whatever achievement isnt gonna feel big to them, but it sure does feel big to me. haha.

i enjoyed proterm in infantry, never regretted. infantrymanship is the bedrock of an armed force. it’s history spans the earliest days of combat. everybody is by first soldier an infantry, then their whatever comes next. it was a quote from a fighter pilot. everybody needs infantry skills, of you’ll never be a complete soldier. unless you’re a pes E whatever. ST / clerk/ whatever.

whilst adapting to foxtrot’s ideals, not bad, of being operationally ready always, was one of the earliest memories. so was the chindit mission. i was the ps. the mission. it was da bomb man. the first, the longest, and it’s complicated yo, it has CWO, and it is in brunei. while coaching the pc for AOP and his annoying behavior that i have to put up with, i have to run my duties as a ps. i was cursing and swearing the whole time in the mission. thankfully, harboring was taken out, i’ve one less thing to worry about.

then came JCC. well what can i say. it’s the toughest thing ive ever been through. i learnt that im really not for this kind of outdoor stuff. this will be it. when it came to FORAGER, it was fun. no walking, like finally! and i did well. i think. i started with zero progress on day 1, then helped gabriel did some weaving, helped chonglin carved fork and spoon and donated him some edible plant. second day chionged everything, shelter, trap, fireplace, water source, foodstuff, etc etc etc. harvested a lot of atap leaves with chonglin and gabriel. thrid day touch up. my place was like a museum, little cut pieces of paper names on every item, all laid out, ready for inspection. waited till i fell asleep on my fireplace. rifle oil dun burn, damn. accessors came, and it was hell of a party (for me). boatmen took a lot of pictures, provost major v happy, SSG was like here not good there not good, but add everything up, you’re the top scorer for today. loled. lastly, we were like the last team to reach back camp. hollanded like a gabazillion times during the walk, and the whole of JCC. what a painful experience, that i enjoyed. im not saying this coz im garang, but more of i appreciate it that i’ve been through it. i really enjoyed JCC even though it sucks. the scenery was like jurassic park, the friendship like never before. oh ya, i burned darren’s clothes on day one. imma dumbass. then life after jcc was the sex. after packing everything up and securing whatever needs to be secured, we were free! no need marching, free and easy roaming all over the place in JAC. ate and ate and ate. slept and slept and slept.

came back, i got kinda activated to go back camp to try no1 coz selected to do juniors colours party. i enjoyed it and the company of them boys. soon proceed to senior colors!

then soon, got selected to be CWC, that’s where the shit all begins. there are certain takeaways i wouldnt deny, there are things that i like, and things that i do not like. the obvious is the extra responsibility, the need to have good talking skills, which i do not have, and come to learn of it’s importance. im freed of many things as an appointment holder as well, like basic saikang, duty, flag raising and etc. usually it’s just give instructions, seldom do much of stuff. just decide on something and carry on with it. and this tricky business of deciding. i was initially a little afraid to do so as i wanna be more democratic. thats when i wasted a lot of time then. over time, i learnt that just decide on something sensible and carry on, make adjustments along the way, learn to adapt and make things happen fast. furthermore people are not going to appreciate your kindness, and your democracy. fuck it, just do it. as a leader, just decide on something feasibly correct and get to it. people under your charge will adapt to it while putting their attention to your instructions. i also learnt a lot of systems. like how things are run, the politics behind things, the many ‘because’ answers to many ‘whys’, that i will never see as a normal cadet. i grew a lot, my eyes opened a lot. i wouldn’t pledge loyalty to the wing as an appt holder, i will just get my fair share done, nothing more, nothing less. because i know what’s going on. but very few people empathise with me because they don’t know and never seen it before. i don’t blame them. it’s only the very ones that have been appt holders before would know. i also learn about things like the human spirit. some people lack of it, some people just have a little bit more to spare. i used to confuse it with discipline, and character. but human spirit is something subtle, and hard to explain. it’s a sort of 精神. and how do you explain things like 精神? and the shitty thing is u cant blame ppl for having less of it. it’s like upbringing, u cant blame a kid for having poor upbringing can you? it’s just your luck you are around them. adapt along the way. keep your comments to yourself. and that’s the way it is.

a CWC hears the most beautiful things. like the wing’s superior statistics, JCC 62/66 pass, 88+% marksmanship, PAC champions, higher IPPT gold... and also the most disgusting things. 62/66 JCC in wing comd’s eyes = EPIC FAIL. he had super big hopes for us of which we crashed it of course. but it wasnt an easy feat, everybody tried what they could. whoever got injured is so suay. i think wing comd did everything he could, but he didnt talk to the medics. that’s crucial in my opinion. things like ‘avon is actually a very nice friend, but when he’s a CWC he’s not friend already’, bugging you ‘avon 几点bookout?’, while not giving me what i want. and Yap’s incident was perhaps the most epic. after a long night training, i gave out a set of instructions, of which nobody wanna follow, then nvm i drag their bookout time since ppl are not giving me what i want. Yap went straight to Ari to get bookout permission, and point 2 middle fingers in my face. that night till morning. i learnt a lot. really a lot. heard Yap almost got decomm after posting to bmt. all the more. very undeserving.

people say that i don’t motivate people as a CWC. but that’s not my belief. firstly they are not men, they are training to be officers. if i as a cadet, so NUA and unmotivated can do things right, why not them? ppl can say they are not you, but that’s not the point. they are OCTs, that’s the whole point. cant sort themselves out, how to sort others out? very least, how to bear a projectable image? i admit ive thoughts of giving up at times, but i always make sure i pull myself up and keep going. even though im cursing all the way. i am not going to police and herd the sheep saying things like ‘ hey come on guys you can do it!’. id rather ‘pls sort yourself out, you’re an OCT’. this is also why i offended a lot of people along the way. inevitably. i have to. i wanna be my own type of leader/ person/ teammate. not some textbook suggested one. i find that it’s very important to be yourself more than be the textbook. yes yourself may not be the best one, but learn and grow along the way. build things on yourself, not build things on the textbook. that’s my opinion. i duno, maybe building things on textbooks seem hot to others. im not saying it is a sucky way to go. it’s just my opinion. dun get me wrong. =)

marksmanship. my rifle was so beautifully zeroed that 3 shots entered the zeroing circle. laser was where it should be. 43/48 score. 3 free shots as the moving target went down on it’s own. anyway w/o the 3 points im still monetary marksman. and im dead confident i can get the shots. topshots were 45/48. so close, yet so far. i think i can secrete Diazpam in my body to keep me stable for shots. maybe it’s because i just made depressions in the sand so i can kneel/ prone comfortably. my rifle saved chonglin as well, to get his monetary marksman! yay! bought him time to do his AOP. =) sweet. getting monetary marksman saved me a whole lot of trouble. slept a lot, fuckall in the world. let them sort themselves out. ive been a slave for goodness how many weeks...

as a CWC, i’ve seen whom i will die for, respect, who are my real friends, and who are just passers by. i know i’ve been a poor cadet, always questioning command. it’s quite a wrong thing sometimes. too kehkiang for my own good. i feel it’s because im not in their shoes, maybe now thinking back, after being an officer, i’d perhaps cut back a lot of questions that i’ve bugged LTA Jo during interview. tho i had to get a lot of facts straight. learning stuff in ocs is quite cruel, ppl’s mind may not be open to an info but mug in is required, and must excel. eg, myself and many others, find difficulty in learning missions, learning weapon specs, learning mission specs. to lead to excel to overcome, by fucking hook or fucking crook. it’s just like school, it’s quite an unfair thing.

finally, i’d say i enjoyed my time as a CWC, even though it sucks, it sucks, and it sucks. i learn and grew a lot, i saw who are my friends, and im really thankful for the experience. things like people are not gonna appreciate much of your suggestions/work, u cant please everybody, decide and go, the politics and the way instructors behave, human spirit etc. very little opportunity to learn these things anywhere else. i covered for CW2IC and CWSM, while they covered mine. no need to do battle procedure, sleep most of TW and the little tidbits of morale that kept me going. but it still sucks. very enslaved.

from junior colors then on the senior colors. enjoyed it as well, senior colors is damn slack and we get the glory man! tho the fever virus was spreading, im thankful i can still march to the end. and threw my peak cap to say it’s over. yea, i graduated with quite a bad attitude i regrettably report. but i was happy no doubt.

congratulations and celebrations....

__________

i was posted to General Support Ammunition Base, SAF Ammunition Command. that’s my battalion. Paya Lebar Ammunition Depot is my so-called company. and i served there as a company 2ic. in the unit, company level is called a depot. it functions as a logistics body than a fighting company. in it, platoons are called departments. and we have more than 3 departments of course, and of various sizes. im more in touch with the security side of it. it’s very working environment. i feel like im working in an ammunition poh tiong choon equivalent.

in the early months of service was the more challenging one for me. firstly, i’m seeing unit men and specs for the first time. working with regulars for real time projects for the first time. handling real time problems for the first time. everything was first time. never was i trained, prepared for this in OCS. it came right smack poomp! and u got to manage it coz u r an officer of the singapore armed fores. it was so hard. it was so awkward. duno when to step the gas, duno when to apply engine brake kind of situation. in those days, i tried hard, and perhaps too hard, like being too energetic in the way i do things. ppl dun appreciate it and are thinking ‘wtf, noob officer’. asking too caring questions during interviews, being too kind to the wrong people in giving instructions... trying to inspire and advice people but u know it does not work. working with regulars is also another one. it’s hard to be too energetic as well, and you’d better not. try to do things in a more cool and pro way, dont talk so much. not the kind of youth leader way of doing things, it’s not gonna work. not because ppl will arrow you, nor ppl think u r noob (well in a way yes), but it’s more of managing expectations. working with NYAA and working with regulars is so different. young adults and full fledged adults (wth term i managed to coin) is so darn different. youth leader way is so happy, energetic, and i welcome all views kind of thing. it has the very YAY feeling. working with ‘full fledged adults’ seems more solemn and of course less energetic, less risk taking, a little more loso, and u cant just say things out of your mind even though u have already thought of it. u got to think, rethink, and rethink again what u want to say. think about your unit, your background, your reputation, other people’s reputation.... those normal think of others before self notions taught in school is not helping. haha... too bad.

these are some of the challenges of junior command. i was not trained, but i was thoroughly warned in OCS. and warned, and experiencing it is 2 different things altogether. i dun need to say much. this is such a leadership thing. it’s very difficult to explain this striking a balance thing. because it’s your own leadership balance, not any others. that’s why COA MG CHAN said that officership is a very personal thing. it’s for you to experience yourself. it’s for you to teach yourself. it’s very difficult to explain. different vocations give you different experience, but more or less the same lessons.

i think that’s kinda no wonder why my friend tells me that leaders, usually the RESPECTABLE one, is always a loner. usually the respectable one upholds himself all the while, it’s inbuilt into his character. does not present his chill mode to others. im not that respectable. im sucha bastard. and imma slow learner. i learn slow how to be an officer, learnt slow how to balance things out. the officership balance. what you should do at when kind of thing. after a while it becomes a judgement thing, judge for yourself. be the officer you want to be, not other people think that you should be.

i feel the most challenging stunt was to juggle between being the officer that i want to be, and not threading into the things i dun like that i have observed from OCS officer instructors. instructors in OCS have too good a life i feel. it’s just some of them are eew. but there’re good ones of course. i reflect a lot. i would think how my men would think after certain instruction is given whatsoever. if i can enlighten them i would. sometimes some other commanders give some wierd instruction which i can’t help to defend. and it goes out to become an act of poor professionalism.

and at times i even doubt my own belief. is my being myself as my own officer i want to be, a wrong concept? not being other people as an officer a wrong concept? what if i was wrong all the while? in OCS, cadets are pressured to be the cadet the school wants you to be, and not who u think you should be. i accept this notion as cadets are (1) trainees (2) inexperienced. but upon graduation we have our right to be who we think we should be as long as we have our strong arguable reasons. but sometimes i think to myself what if im wrong to believe that? and that we should be following a certain textbook way of doing things? it’s because i see usually people whom are more textbook seem to be doing fine. it feels like a testpaper where kids fail to give the textbook answers the examiners want. that’s why it surprised me when i was reading ‘LONE SURVIVOR’ when a SEAL officer in his team of 4, tries to be diplomatic and asks his men for opinion for the next step in the mission. this is never going to be practiced in anyway we’ve learnt nor is it anyway textbook. anyway im just having some misconceptions, i still respect LIEUTENANT MICHAEL MURPHY for his act. if you want to know. pls read the book and wiki it.

the late part of my service is different from the first half. it isnt in any way easier. i’ve lesser things to do, that’s for sure, but in handling things, it isn’t any way easier. it’s a different set of challenges. i find it’s difficult to bear an image over here as well given the nature of the job. i mean, look at boon gan, out of all in the line, he’s perhaps the most serious, and the most textbook. but he’s not well received in terms of respect in any way. it’s really the nature of the job.

i learnt about the history of PYAD, as well as the history of the line of 2ICs. then i realised im sitting in a void for 10 months. boon gan had it only for 6, and sheng yang 8. my guess was right, the seat was supposed to be for a regular Ammo Tech Off. dear LTA veronica, where are you, pls come back and take the slot/ suggest some other ME4. as for the history part, it isnt a very pretty thing to hear. if you wanna know. come ask me.

i kind of left the unit with a very negative attitude. funny i leave everywhere with a negative attitude. in the unit, it’s a lot of showmanship. lots of it. plenty. i definitely hope it is not like that wherever i go (bt deep inside i know it will be). sometimes i feel it’s the CO whom has unknowingly brought up such a culture. he always wants a certain garangness and activeness in his regulars. but i feel it’s wrongly perceived. nor is it correctly reciprocated. garang in the wrong way, active in the wrong time. depot level, base level, commanders level... what the hell. it’s super obvious. it brings down my morale a lot. it becomes a case ppl are not serving for passion for honour, but for selfish gains. ppl are doing certain preparations for showmanship, but not an everyday discipline. excellence here (if there is), is an act, not a habit. im damn scared that i meet up with these things again when im outside. i know im not gonna rise well as i don’t polish apples, i eat them for good health, and i dun lick boots, i wear them instead. sometimes as leaders we must learn to see what is angkat, and what is managing expectations. it’s a subtle art to recognise it, as well as to perform it.

there’s also a certain wierd culture here. it’s where dislikes commanders and favour men??!!??!?! men hair long punish commander... like SMLJ. i know the belief of the NSFs here are very impt. like many other units, i agree. but it’s so so sheltered over here. NSFs had it easy to come here. like me, my brother, and the thousands other. maybe because it’s a pes C place. all the ABs went to chiong. the Cs and the Es come here. u cant do much to a pes C is one thing, the amount of things a pes C can do is yet another. suffer less, learn less, experience less, grow less, make less real friends. too bad. that’s the way it is.

it’s also very difficult to get thigns done here. i think it’s the office politics part of it here. i kinda know why there is this 3 workdays thing around. it’s all in the attitude of the person AT THAT MOMENT when he/she receives the mail. if the recipient chooses to relacjack, drink coffee, surf the net, then too bad to you. u wait like a dog for attention to your topic. because u wun know what is that fag’s attitude behind the computer and desk. u got to make multiple calls and mails to see it’s progress and completion. that’s where the evolution of the CC BCC arrows came about. CC to people to let people know that you have sent a task to another. that another has no choice but to see to it because people know about it. CC BCC arrows.... cool shit huh. NOT! it’s a misused elegant worktool man.

also over time, i got this feeling that my coy is the least favourite coy in the bn.

and well, in py also... u may say its just the 3 of us, and we cannot get our act toether is something v sad, btu let me ask u, every single abtch of 2ic infantry that comes alogn has a problem with the regulars here, we very well learnt of all the officership, commandership, pride honour and intergrity in ocs, and wants to serve to the best of our abilities. so is it our problem? ocs problem? or the idiots’ problem? i fucking highly doubt it’s mine.

ULTIMATELY, I MUST THANK THE UNIT

it is the place i groomed as an officer, learnt subtle stuff as an officer, the things about balance and duty... im my opinion, officership is a long journey. 10 months is only a warm up for all of us. officership is a heavy duty. it takes a long time to groom a solid one. OCS in other nations takes several years. and the many other years later in Lieutenant term. ours is just a little glimpse and crash course.

i thank all the appointment holders whom stood in their appointments, be it the lieutenant colonel, the captain, the warrant, spec, senior spec, and men. them just being in their position and doing their thing is an experience for me. even though i believe the learning is all done by myself, very little of being taught, i still must TRY to be a nice dude and do some thanking. lol! u get what i mean don’t you. anyway, thanks for those pretty memories that i can have. really.

i regained a lot of mana energy to sit in an officer’s hotseat. i graduated from ocs a sickly, unmotivated person. angsty and inexperienced. as stated above, i fermented long enough to be energetic. energise energise and energise. i feel im wierd in the sense that i gain more and more energy as i go along, usually ppl have dwindling fires. damn sure i can be a spirited commander if i extend and push ocs cadets to their best. write my own worksheets, complete CSB, etc. but i have too many of my other goals to accomplish. to many things i want to learn and achieve.

it’s the place i learnt unique stuff as compared to my peers... all the ammo stuff... not a lot, but much more than what others know and experience. i experienced duty team in PLAD and see what happens in issue and return from units.

it’s the place i handled unique stuff and people (like kan’na which appointment don’t handle stuff unique to their seat?). pending status, promotion, charge report, injury report, nitty gritties of the unit. a little bit of ammo stuff as well. quite fun but not my cup of tea. as for the people part... ugh, eww, and -a nice encouraging grin-. that will say it all.

slack life. i achieved a lot of things for personal use. many of my peers are slogging. i read human mind, memoirs of a geisha, madame sadayakko, chinese cinderella, lone survivor. i learnt ballade pour adeline, marriage d’amour, 小雨写立可白（二）(beat that bitch i can play this song u can’t say i don’t know this! and too bad you can’t hear this), a quarter of To Zanarkand before i lost the score in a long series of events (too bad bitch you cant’ hear this too). and many others in music lessons. i folded a buddha and a mammoth as the most notable projects.

cultivate my mindset to have a little more fighting spirit. fighting spirit is NOT determination. it is NOT endurance. det and end are only a FRACTION of it. fighting spirit comes to play when an entity, tries to bring you down, and it’s the core value that brings you up. when u run, fatigue, and muscle strains are the entity that brings you down. fight against it and continue doing the thing you do is fighting spirit. fight against the strain, not just determine to finish the race, not just endure the strain, but fight against it. when a fucker comes and disturb you, fight against it (fuckers appear in all shapes, sizes, sex, and species), sort it out if you can. if you can’t, then sort it out when you are more powerful. that’s fighting spirit. it’s a concept commonly misconceived. can’t be blamed coz ppl misconceive it and teach it down to their boys in the misconceived way. singapore won the pedra branca with fighting spirit. it is because other people tried to take it form us. we did our necessary whatever to get it back honourably and rightfully. dun tell me singapore won the pedra branca with the endurance and determination. i hope i’ve explained the fighting spirit part a little more clearly if you’ve misconceived it.

learnt a little more talking skill, a little more witty. like i said. i think it’s important to know how to talk well. not just well fashioned crapping (though it’s a talent as well), but really talk well. u know what i mean. argue well, with good englando.

have a glimmer of faith in fatties. ppl around me should know the opinion i have about fatties. and im posted to a camp full of them. some of the boys can’t even fucking see their DICK! omggg. how are they gonna wash it, defend it from attacks, have sex?????!?!?!?!?! the regulars are fat even. my gosh. but notably there are 2 dudes that really earned my respect, that’s glenn and deepan for having the character that i wold really like to have around me and brightening my PY experience. thanks for the sticks as well. you 2 are good, and im proud to have with my last duty. and as a soldier under my charge. and talking about this, somehow i’d like to mention ming yuan also. he’s really a good dude, but it’s just his peers that screw him up all the time. such bad luck.

fully understood what is managing expectations. like what i said, this is not angkat. this is not showmanship. it is a subtle art to perform. it is an honourable act. it is not, eh this leader is aournd, must up there a bit, eh that leader is around, can slack a bit. being up is just a discipline, a habit to perform, not based on situation and mood. managing expectations is like fitting a jigsaw, u shape yourself to match the jigsaw board an picture. showmanship is ultra enhancing your colour and material, even if you are in the same shape, u will stick out like a sore thumb. because showmanship can be seen, if not, felt. because managing expectations is a delicate art, when your piece of jigsaw has fitted into the slot, the big picture looks beautiful, no sudden standouts on colour, contrast, whatsoever. everything blends in. i cant really explain how managing expectations is, as it is not a formula. it’s............ an art! it takes a few weeks/ months to understand the fellow jigsaw shapes around you, so you can perfectly shape yourself and fit into it. and you are still being yourself, not anyone else. it is an art i must say again.

finally thank the unit for giving me a unit life to be in, to see how unit works and feels. above all, a company 2ic, a unit company 2ic, how rare is that? given my ocs ranking. im proud to say that i have been in a unit, and seen the real things happen. im really proud to have been in unit. tho life sucks.

THE BAD STUFF FROM UNIT

character-cist. already bad enough to begin with to worse and fucking worse. really cant stand certain people. they should just stop existing immediately.

temper got good to bad, bad to worse.

fitness from good to bad, bad to worse, worse to cannot make it. at least i can see my dick clearly and from many directions and i can defend it and wash it well.

smoking. just social. to make friends. to let people have a more equal status level with me. to accompany emo people. AND NOT TO HAVE TESTOSTERONE COMPETITION. there’s a time i took a stick and the other dude suck so mother fast and tells me ‘ eh u STILL on the SAME stick ah, wa u smoke like ahbeng, wa this wa that’ goodness... i smoke for the social cohesion and not to receive these kind of competitive remarks. im so gonna scrutinise smoking kakis next time. dont worry, i wont buy my own pack, coz it’s so ex. and i don’t believe it affects physical prowess.

i got a little pes-cist as well. it merges more with character-cist part. maybe it’s just these pes whatever dudes have lower chance to 吃苦, and ultimately they mature mentally a lot slower as a soldier. u put everybody outside, everybody would just look/be the same, i dun know how they will be like in working society, but i bet it wont be that wonderful either... these people the way they work and think.... of all many of which must merge with being fat. omzg... epic. dun get me wrong, there are ultimately good people around.

SOME THOUGHTS

finally, let me share some opinion

ORD- operationally ready date. the date that sets many people free and so keen to look forward to other than graduation. it completes the 2 year (22 months for me only) distraction of the males here. training is complete, tests are complete, service is complete. the soldier is full fledged and ready to take on an operation(i.e. mission) when need be. im ready in my opinion. my helmet LBV, field pack items(SAFAC SOP) are ready, so are my uniforms and boots whatsoever. and they are within easy reach. however i didnt do ORD quiz. not a unit requirement. oops?!

LIEUTENANT- i prefer to pronounce it the USA way. lieu-tenant, not left-tenant(British). it gives the word more meaning. the word lieutenant is a joint of LIEU and TENANT. we are the commanders in the position prior to something else. for my case im prior to become a CAPTAIN. technically lieutenant captain. so lieutenant means that we are in the position that’s gonna make us captains. in olden times, knights are like officers, leading a company of footsoldiers into battle, ie captain level. bearing the sword that they received from royalty. as time passes, the appointment becomes an officer, a captain level, whom leads a company of soldiers into battle. he will carry a sword, a rifle, and a sidearm, sitting on a horse. being a captain as a commissioned officer is a very significant and a role rich in history. in star wars, the badn fo 7 jedi led by dark lord Jerec has an assistant/ lieutenant called Sariss. so looking at LIEUTENANT COLONEL, 2 crests, and COLONEL, 3 crests, need i say more? LIEUTENANT GENERAL, 3 stars, GENERAL, 4 stars... 5 stars would be SUPREME COMMANDER OF THE ALLIED FORCES, something like that. GENERAL DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER. eg.

im very not into the idea of wearing an attire full of pictures. ppl in service are impressed, but im not. they’re just addidional responsibility to the person. imagine a person with ranger tab. u’d expect he’d be a ranger all the while even while sleeping. it’s quite a dumb concept. but well, this in service, this is the way it is. i only wore my basic parachutist and basic diving in joint term. and only one uniform. not that im not proud of my achievements, i see no point. it does not prove that im a powerful officer whatsoever. they are just pictures to me. in civilian world, who wears their achievements? none! PHD dun pin a tab of their square hats and walk around. u see what i mean? it’s just pictures. and people in the force like pictures a lot somehow. until i FELT the point. coz 1 only had 1 set of fully sewn uniform, and i felt that i get the respect and things done much easier, i seldom get that ‘2LT is noobshit’ attitude from others. so i decided to sew on everything. well, this is the force, they like to see boys in clothes with lots of neatly placed pictures.

ns is all about rank. too bad rex. sucks to be you. why’d you give yourself such a dinosaur and fossilised stage name? goodness. should have said something like where’s my dick? ns ultimately you can just say a statement about it and say that’s ns. it’s still a very sheltered environment if you ask me. so just see it as a place to sort yourself out or at least learn to. but im very surprised people up to age 24 cant sort themselves out. still bear very infantile mentality. so of course rank is first given to people who can sort themselves and other out then whoever else i’ve missed out. that’s why u always feel people are sorting you out. coz u cant do that yourself! -scoffs-

having some respect of each other’s vocation. every vocation does different things. and of course different things have different requirements and different difficulty. i don’t give 2 flying fuck if you’re in SF or signals, and that goes out the the motherfucker jingwen, the most distgusting of my brother’s friends. totally putrid. because u play your role, and im not interested. u have your own mission to complete, i have mine. you play your role, and you’d better accomplish it. and you can’t play mine, and i’ll play mine. and everybody affects one another in a way. it’s like a jigsaw puzzle again. every piece is unique in shape and colour. each piece play their part to form the big picture. no piece can replace another piece. so testosterone competition don’t work on me. it just tells me you are very childish. all brawns if you have but totally brainless, and childish. for motherfucker jingwen’s case, brawns and brains are totally devoid.

combat fitness- it’s about being STILL able to function in times of discomfort. in cold, in heat, thirsty, hungry, heavy load, lack of air, surfer’s waves, noisy, wet, absolute silence, etc etc etc. the list of discomfort goes on. my fag PS in bmt told us combat fitness is about mental strength. BULLSHIT. it’s about conditioning, and getting used to it. fitter individuals should have (key word, should have, but not all the time) better combat fitness as they have struggled through tough times to get that fitness. but like i said, i’ll say again... NOT ALL THE TIME. i’ve seen fit individuals fail to function when they’re hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, wet, etc. i value this attribute a lot as it applies to many fields in like. in work, in study, in exercise, in travelling... it’s impt in life to be able to take hits and still remain functioning.

Victoria's Angels!

2010-05-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

KAROLINA KURKOVA
IZABEL GOULART
NATASHA POLY
ANDI MUISE
RAQUEL ZIMMERMANN
CAROLINE WINBERG
CAROLINA SOUKUPOVA
GISELE BUNDCHEN
ADRIANA LIMA
CAROLINE TRENTINI
ELISE CROMBEZ
MIRANDA KERR !!
ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO
ANA BEATRIZ BARROS

amazing that they still look so desirable and fantastic at late 20s. 3 cheers. XD

staccassissimo

2010-04-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

highly musical weekend.
fri 160410- 'music sharing' at my place
sat 170410- pool game and SHE IS THE ONE concert!
sun 180410- woke up damn early to queue for signature card. go jamming! then return for autograph session.....~~

dream a little dream of me~~~

not so distracted already. loving my life. wishes weekends are longer.

diztrack - distract?

2010-03-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

finally i got to use this word. my passion is getting the better side of me. losing focus in many things i do, coz i spend most of my time sitting in front ok black and white rectangles and pressing them. cant even bother to exercise and move the lazy muscles around. cant even be bothered to read, cant be bothered to surf net, and clear emails, and hang out with friends.

how i wish and how i wish i have enrolled into a music school. day in day out music. sleep in the dorms, go library, have lectures and tutorials on music. learn theory grade 1 through 8 as though im learning complex numbers and evolution. learn jazz, pop, rock, classical etc. how i wish i have enrolled into a full time music school.

anyone knows where i can go for full time training?

pisces

2010-03-02T06:46:00.000-08:00

by far i dun rly believe much in horoscope stuff coz they're mainly patterns... ppl free enough to go study everybody's behavorial patterns and write them down are simply, i'd say amazing. amazing to be that free.

PISCES - The Partner for LifeCaring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily.. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes gets the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be.

pretty accurate though. esp the bad points? 'blea'.... must be all the fellow pisceses ard.

-still a pretty screwed up period of time. though much better than before. but meeting young men who have very childish mentality, stupid man-moder, and v 'tan xiao pian yi' still is a v painful sight
-wonders why ppl dun see the big picture, and think v inward at this age. too big an age to be self centered isnt it.
-is sad that the ideal workplace isn't easily constructed. corruption, biasness, unfairness, unreasonable, incompetency still exists...
-so far the most impressive ones i've seen wld be school of thought, maybe The Body Shop enterprise?

2010-02-15T08:48:00.000-08:00

had fun going out with old ocs boys. didnt see them for so long alr! yg, sry that it's such a dusty blog! but there'll be chances of salty comments in salty languages recently. so i'll have to thread carefully. i've been up to a lot of music recently. =) trying to make myself feel not so deprived.

2010-01-30T01:44:00.000-08:00

no road is too long to the man who advances deliberately and without undue haste, and no honours are too distant for the man who prepares himself for them with patience -bruyere

if you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment -marcus aurelius

people are disturbed, not by things, but by the view they take of them. -epictetusin

any organization there is always something that van be done right away to improve performance. -robert h. schafferconsider

the postage stamp, my son. its usefulness consists in its ability to stick to one thing until it gets there. take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and jump in. -napoleon bonaparte

most people know what ingredients are necessary for success. the only problem is that they are not ready to pay the price. -rich port

WE ARE ONE

2010-01-29T04:14:00.000-08:00

WE ARE ONE

WE WORK IN HARMONY
WITH OUR FELLOWMEN
WE ARE THE SOLDIERS OF THIS LAND
WE HAVE TO MOVE AHEAD
TO DO THE BET WE CAN
WE ARE THE ONES WHO DEFEND OUR LAND

*
WE ARE ONE
MARCHING ON
WE ARE THE YOUNG DEFENDERS OF THIS COUNTRY
MOVING ON WE BELIEVE THAT WE CAN ACHIEVE
SO LET US SERVE OUR HOME SINGAPORE

WE LIVE IN UNITY
WORKING HAND IN HAND
WITHIN THIS LAND THAT WE DEFEND
WE HAVE TO LEAVE THE PAST
TO STRIVE FOR HIGHER PLANES
WE HAVE TO TRAIN TO ACHIEVE OUR AIM

*

WE PUSHED OURSELVES AHEAD
TO OUR DESTINY
TO MAKE THIS COUNTRY STRONG AND FREE
AS WE GO MARCHING ON
WE SING THIS MELODY
SO LET US STRIVE ON TO VICTORY

*

2009-11-14T22:28:00.000-08:00

FML

ever since green was the fashion, I've never been really happy. especially this point in time, everything seems to go wrong. perhaps I shouldn't have come here to see annoying people. I'm still blamed for the things I didn't do. seriously fuck my fucking fucked up life. no one appreciates, understands, or is even kind. kns. i don't belong to such a school. shame on such self centered future 'leaders' (hwee hua should come and slap you). just end it and go each others fuck way and we won't have to see each others' fuck face.

things aren't that wonderful back at home either. i can actually get screwed for doing something correct. unfairness is my friend now. sometimes enough is enough.

im just so sad.

FML

post 33 - quotes and more quotes don't you just love quotes

2009-07-14T00:47:00.000-07:00

I read a book of quotes recently and felt these are some of the few that impresses me. Take time to read and internalize it...
____________________________________________________

The 10 commandments of Street-Smart Executives:
Never underestimate the importance of money.
Never overestimate the value of money.
You can never have too many friends in business.
Don't be afraid to say, ''I don't know''.
Speak less.
Keep your promises, the big ones and the little ones.
Every transaction has a life of its own.
Commit yourself to quality.
Be nice to people.
Don't hog the credit. Share credit with colleagues.

-Extracted and condensed from: Success Secrets, by M.H. McCormack

Success is based on imagination plus ambition and the will to work.

- Thomas Edison

Despite the fact that luck certainly plays a role in success or failure, I am convinced that there are no secrets for success. People fail because of their own mistakes. If someone seems to progress without an error others ascribe it to some kind of genius. Success depends more on common sense than on genius.

- An Wang

If you want to succeed you sould strike out on new paths rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success.

- John D. Rockfeller Sr.

To laugh often and much, ..... to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

- R.W. Emerson

Man can live the most fulfilling, creative, and emotionally satisfying life by intellegently organizing and disciplining his thinking.

- Dr Albert Ellis & Dr R.A. Harper

I like thinking big. I always have. To me it's very simple. If you are going to be thining anyway, you might as well think big. Most people think small, because most people are afraid of success, afraid of making decisions, afraid of winning, and that gives people like me a great advantage.

- Donald Trump

A man that is young in years may be old in hours, if he has lost no time.

-Bacon

It seems to me that the ''true riches'' are the spirit, and are derived from good family life, inner strength that comes from one's faith purposefully practised, and the maintenance of high ideals in day-to-day personal conduct.

- John A Notte Jr.

The point is simple: When you reinforce your feeling of tiredness by acknowledging it, you further reduce your energy reserve. Visualise yourself enjoying the task, and you'll be amazed at how much more energy you have.

-Zig Ziglar

___________________________________________________________________________

For entertainment's sake:

The Hoi Polloi Reception
By A. Mole

The food stood on the table
The drink stood on the bar
The crisps lay in the glass dish
'Twixt the gherkins in the jar.
The poets were expected
The artists had sent word
The pianists and flautists
Were bringing lemon curd.

The novelists were travelling
From dim and distant lands
The journalists were trekking
O'er deep and shifting sands.
The hoi polloi stood standing
Outside the party room
Which glowed with invitation
Like a twenty-year-old womb.

Yet they dared not cross the portal
To taste the waiting feast
For fear of what would happen
If they dared to cross the beast.

The hoi polloi grew weary
And sat upon the floor
And told each other stories
Until the clock struck four.
They drew each other pictures
One person sang a song
But it was careful at the end
To say 'Of course they won't be long.'

The artists and the poets
And the peoplt who write books
The musicians and journalists
And the Nouvelle Cuisine cooks
Sent word they couldn't make it
They couldn't leave the town.
They were meeting VIPs for drinks
And couldn't make it down.

The gherkins went untasted
The crisps were never crunched
The Chablis kept its cork in
The Twiglets went unmunched
But people still waited
For a hundred million days
And just to help pass the time
They wrote and acted plays.

They carved a pretty pattern
On the panel of the door.
They painted lovely pictures on the
Coldly concrete floor
They sang in pretty harmony
About the epic wait.
Then hush! ... Was that a car we heard
Was that a creaking gate?

It's the sculptors on the gravel
It's the poets wild-eyed
Quick open wide the door to
Let the journalists inside.
Oh welcome to our party!
We thought you'd never come
So sad we ate the food though
We haven't left a crumb!

For in the time of waiting
The hoi polloi grew brave
They went into the room
And took the things they craved.
And the poets and the sculptors
And the artists and the cooks
And the women good at music
And the men who wrote the books
And the journalists and actors
And the people trained to sing
Stood waiting ever after for the party to begin.

-Sue Townsend, True confessions of Adrain Albert Mole

post 32 - Quotes from stage 2

2009-05-29T04:46:00.000-07:00

- Today we have bigger houses yet smaller families

- We have more degrees, but less common sense

- We have added years to life, but not life to years

- We have learnt to rush, but not to wait

- We have higher incomes, but lower morals

- We spend more, but have less, buy more, yet enjoy it less

- We live in an age of fast foods, yet slow digestion; steep profits, but shallow relationships

- We have more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition; two incomes, but more divorces; Fancier houses, but broken homes

- We have conquered outer space, but not inner space; split an atom, but not our prejudice

- We went to outer space and back, yet have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour

- We have multiplied our possessions, but have reduced values

- We talk to much, love too little, and lie too often

Post 31 - Stage 2

2009-04-02T06:42:00.000-07:00

Forget about the rants in post 30. I'm done and over with it. I'm really happy that I grew to mature over such childish thinking, and I'm really appreciative of it as I feel really comfortable with myself and my state of mind now.

Sometimes doing this Pre U helps.

Currently doing stage 2 of my pre U.
OCS
230309 - 050409
Echo 2105
060409 - ______
Tango 3202

post 30 - !'ve b33n +h!&k!&9

2009-03-20T23:54:00.000-07:00

So with elementary level done, I'm waiting for the next class to start.
Till now, I still kinda dread doing this pre-U. Although when the time comes I'd do my part and get my gear with me to risk my life, I still hold this lackadasical attitude.

I'm sad that I get blamed when it isn't my err
I'm disappointed that I don't feel as much as I do
My obligations are its lifeline
Maybe I've always been wrong, never realising it
I still heart wrenchingly bet as much though

I'm surprised that I still meet obstinate soldiers of 19 years old! No more of such for me anymore now. Dumb baboon.

post 29 - Reference row, reference row, ready?

2009-02-20T07:00:00.000-08:00

090109 - 110309
BMTC1
Yankee 1106

Doing my pre-U now.

post 28 - early new year post

2008-12-29T09:04:00.001-08:00

I’m putting aside piano time for this. (Oh-so-nerdy)
It is 29th December 2008. I still vividly recall counting down to this year reluctantly the last moments of 2007. I used to actually fear coming into year 2 of school, hence the distaste for it. After gotten used to it, things got much smoother.

I think I shall not say much about studying as they’re pretty much filled up by previous posts of more accuracy. I’ll perhaps start with my CCA.

Track and Field, on of the more nerdy sports activities as compared to stuff like floorball or soccer. It is one of which the athletes lead more lonely lives as we train for our own individual events. Some are distance runners, and some are sprint runners, and some aren’t even runners at all! Throws like shot put, javelin and discus are some of the more entertaining events we have. I am a sprint runner taking 100, 200, 4x100, and 4x400 events. Training was sure a fun thing, the people in TnF are really nice and from all over the school, even if it is just a small humble division. The people there are pretty caring and friendly, even the juniors. There are those shit times were training was just damn hard, the company just makes things feel much better. Like those days of the 500m in 1min30sec nonsense, 3-2-1-2-300 drills, 300x3, the slacking-after-the-goddamned-run was sure nice. The distance runners would get our drinks for us sprinters. Sprinting is pretty ‘toxic’, we won’t be able to think that well after the exercises, much less walk well. Oh yes, not to mention shin splints and hamstring cramps and lower back aches and carbon dioxide toxification. There was once I cramped both my hamstrings I couldn’t walk. I had to only get down on all fours and get to wherever I want to go. Don’t ask me how I got home, I’m pretty curious too. Some puked, most lazed on the track yelling like mad in hope for lactate to disappear quickly. Looking back at the track it is amazing how the hell we would so comfortably be lying on moss infested rubber as though it is our bed. We run short distances like mad, yet rest a lot. We did CIP apart from training. Went to some primary school (I have forgotten the name), to run their sports day carnival thing. The kids were sure cute, some really had sporting potential, and some kids were winning practically all the medals. I still remember playing some ‘Jedi’ battle when our duty was done. We used rubber javelins for light sabers and voiced the sound effects, they even played air-soccer (you just got to imagine where the ball is and pretend to play)… Hopefully no superiors are watching! It was a really good day to bond with the juniors.

A division comes and was it sure frightening. We did only starts as we just needed some light training the day before. The atmosphere at Choa Chu Kang Stadium was sure suffocating looking at all the seasoned runners around. Getting used to the environment sure takes a lot of mental power on that day as my mind was too focused on the race. And of course, I can’t possibly compete with champions from other schools who have been running all their lives. I finished last-second for 200m, last for 100m, last-second for 4x100, and last for 4x400, pretty bad grades huh, but I’m cool with it. I believe I won what I needed. I’m really thankful to have such an experience. The one that I’m most proud of is the 4x400 race. I ran first. Lane 5. So I’m responsible for the ge-garisan nonsense. Gun fired. I ran. There was this MI guy in front and was he sure good. Keeping distance was pretty much ok. The shit part comes when we’re completing the turn. I totally died there, and was overrun already. Being able to see the next runner right in my lane a hundred meters away was a huge motivation. I dashed, and realized the others died as well. This means to say we all were dying in the last moments. I manage to overtake some HCI fellow and pass the baton in good progress of the race. We died, really died. Some ACJC fellow came to me in that dead manner to praise my run. I’m pretty surprised and honoured, and repaid the gesture. I was practically downing the free ice water and lumbering to my basket of belongings. Changing out of spikes was sure hell with all the lactate in the body. I can’t actually be bothered about the race already. Somehow I saw that we finished last. But I don’t care. I knew I ran well and did my part. As we were making our way back to the grandstand, some ACJC guy (again) kind of collapsed and lazed. I pulled him up with others of various schools giving encouragement to stand and walk back as lazing is supposedly bad for clearing lactate. I now sincerely felt how sport actually brings people together from all over. I only heard it from C. Kunalan (legendary Singaporean sprinter), now I felt, and comprehended it. It felt sure good, and lifted hopes that there are actually really good people out there, against my pessimistic views of elitism and arrogance in Singapore.

A-division is over, now A-levels arrive. I had to go to NDU for VA a day before prelims! Thankfully for that day, I rushed my chemistry revision like mad for 2.5h straight but of solid work. It reaped and even made me feel for chemistry (like finally). In studies or whatever you are learning you got to have this particular feel. So sometimes you wonder why there are some who can do everything in the subject and you can’t, is not due to your stupidity, but this feel that you just hadn’t developed. Some get the feel fast, while some cannot, and that’s the evil part about education. So there are people who’d say ‘I do not know how I got my As, I did not even work for it’ kind of thing. But my feel is a very ‘junior’ kind of feel. Ultimately I’m very grateful for it; chemistry was much smoother for me. Prelims came and go. My grades aren’t fantastic. But the rule-breaking season was sure on heat. We planned how to skip lessons, how to avoid people, which fence to climb over, who to bring. I could get awards if there was such a CCA. Schooling after prelims was such a waste of time. Time advantage gotten from skipping lessons was spent properly, either to do some work, or get better rest. Nearing the big A (how I wish it was the big O) was really pressurizing. This was the shittiest part of coming to a JC. I can’t actually imagine back then when the school counts down to A levels like 3days more, 2 days, 1 day, THE DAY! The papers sucked, so don’t ask. Some was so hard and stressing that it formed a kind of hindrance to my mental ability. I had to keep ringing my brother’s bell (I call it the Persian bell) that is said to be able to relieve stress. True enough after a significant 10 minutes of ringing, I feel more light and sleepy. At least it felt better than flexed and on-the-verge-of-going-berserk. Finishing math2 and chem1 were really big landmarks of the exam period. Things got more and more lax. I didn’t have much motivation to study for the remaining papers. And slippery-slip goes the last papers. The pissed-off part is that schools specialize on different areas, and that greatly shortchanges us I feel. How the hell can a so-elite system have this kind of loophole? Worst of all, we as human resource are taken as lab rats for trial and error. Thankfully I do past year prelim papers, which kind of saved my almost charred fingers from the cruel exam.

So, A-level comes and A-level goes. I really love the elatedness of its completion. Day by day passes. I slacked like mad. Oh yes, I got stressed again, and that is over the completion of the last segment of my NYAA (I know this is damn lame). I know many wouldn’t bother, but I’ve already done, spent and put in a lot of effort. So might as well complete it. I have a fortnight to spare then. I searched high and low like a rat to look for ideas and feasible means to complete it. And finally there is a solution and off I go for 4 days 3 nights, and I’m done. So is the report. I then live a kind of day-to-day basis, no plans, nothing at all.

Thankfully for the holidays I’m a happier person. Not because there is not school, but due to the absence of assholes. The other day we counted quite a few of them in school which pretty much surprises me. Yes I lead a sad life, a bit brighter now though. Being plagued with the presence of assholes sometimes makes me wonder whether I am a good person after all. Why are people so anal to me or to one another? Was I such an asshole to others? Maybe even my immediate friends are uncomfortable with me or something? This is just something I think I’ll never grasp, and that is the question of ‘why are people being so mean, idiotic, scheming, attention-seeking, etc.?’ Basically just making others feel uncomfortable.

My 2008 is pretty much like that, a pretty boring one, and a disgusting one even (until the final parts). I’m kind of praying for a better year in 2009 for all. Many people pretty much suffered in 2008. Especially in China, Thailand, Israeli-Palestine borders, India, and my best of friends.

whatnot17 - coINCIDENCE

2008-12-10T15:16:00.000-08:00

Butter Factory was totally owned by YJC-ians this morning of >10.
Florescat Concordia.

post 30 - Me 3

2008-12-08T09:03:00.000-08:00

1. Who's the person that tagged you?
Lynnette Chua Ying Ting YJC 223/08 LEMP.

2. Relationship between you and him/her?
Lol just friends.

3. Three impressions of him/her?
pleasant (peasant?), er kind? and er toughtful!

4. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
I won't do anything. Oh I'll spill her secrets. :D. heh but i don't think it'll happen.

5. What will you say to the person you like very much?
Don't open the door to strangers. jk. I won't say it here.

6. Characteristics I like about myself?
The ability to spurt discipline. Tidy. Interesting.

7. Characteristic I hate about myself?
The sometimes-squareness. ability to stone. INABILITY TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING!

8. For the person whom you hate, you say?
Fuck you and Get out of my life.

9. What do people feel about you?
No idea! I guess comfortable? I consciously take note of people's reactions and feelings. I certainly hope it pays off.

10. Your crush?
(heh!) you all know anyway lol.

11. Pass this to 10 people.
ichi). Chio Huey Huey
ni). Joanna Che Yong Tian
san). Ang Serli
shi). Ong Peixuan
go). Chai Suwi
roku). Huen Yanshan
shichi). Damien Teo
hachi). Ashika Wong
kyu). Lee Shuqi
ju). Foo Zhixiang
[you guys HAVE to do this!]

12. If 5 & 7 were together?
I'd be shocked. Hahahaha.

13. Who does 5 like?
I've got an idea! Liu Jia Hao? her nephew?

14. What colour does 9 like?
Perhaps a few? I really got no idea. bright ones?

15. Say something about 8.
She's my neighbour-that-I-ironically-seldom-see-around and she grew 2 metal moles on her brow! (ok la piercings la) :D

16. Who is 2?
My PW group leader and good friend too!

17. Talk about 3.
She's TCC member, 102(07), 202(08), H2 Physics Chemistry Math H1 Econs, Valedictorian of Bishan Park Secondary, Student councillor YJC, Piano 6-grader, er, attached, her blog is http://sexyelegantheels.blogspot.com/, a guinea pig shat(past tense of 'shit') on her hand before.

18. Who is 10's best friend?
I have no idea! Lee Zhuwen?

19. Who's the sexiest among all 10?
I think Lee Shuqi? basket change boyfriends like changing ______ like that. I wish i had that talent. heh! Damn fortunate.

20. What colour does 4 like?
No idea!! Black?

21. Is 4 single?
yes.

22. Your relationship with 1?
(heh!)

23. Are 5 & 6 best friends?
considered. haha.

24. 9's surname?
Markovnikov. no la. Lee.

25. 7's nickname?
Charcoal Professor.

26. Say something to 8.
Heyy!! Neighbour!! Shuqi told me you were drunk at St. James. Take care ok. Alcohol is bad for health.

27. Say something to help 9.
Help Lee Shuqi? She needs what help? ''You can always count on me'' ?

28. Who does 1 admire?
(heh!)

29. Where does 1 live?
Tiong Bahru.

30. 10 of them know who you like?
I suppose so.

31. Say something to 6 when you see him/her.
Was that even a question? Am I supposed to answer that? Lol.
''Maid ah, study hard yea! I think I won't do so well, Dentistry quan kao ni le''

32. 10's spouse?
LOL! no spouse. Madam White Snake is his girlfriend though. (of course that is not the real name. she previously acted that role)

Post 29 - Me 2

2008-12-03T11:13:00.000-08:00

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. No tagging back. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Tagged by: Shamine Wee Shi Yun YJC.

1. Do you have secrets?
Yes, like who doesn't? LOL

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you?
Younger girl , and perhaps elder girl too (dragon girls are pretty cool). Definitely not boys.

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Depends on my stamina. Waiting is not fun. Seriously.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
I'll buy and rebuild Yishun Junior College. It'll be an award winning design. Then maintain it with the rest of the money. Charity isn't really the in thing eh? Furthermore with the Bank clashing saga now, might as well contribute to alma mater.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Hahahaha like no.

6(modified). Which, do you think, is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loving someone. I believe there is no right or wrong. Thus it's a modified question.

7. Give one reason why you love your significant other.
Because my significant other is my significant other.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
My heart cui I tell you. Hahahaha! Then try ways and means to snatch. If it fails, then I should just consider giving up. If I succeed then, succeed!

9. What is the first thing you want to do when you're legal?
Haha I'm alr legal! HEH. I was 18 in JC1. All was on my mind was doing well enough to promote to JC2. Sad life eh. Don't try to be an Avon, it's no good.

10.What would you do if your significant other cheats on you?
Heart cui again. HAHA! But listen for whatever reason first. SLAP if necessary, then walk away. -end

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
'How' is asking for a method, so I'll go with Shamine's answer, In the mirror, LOLLL, or perhaps some electronic device. I think the question is trying to ask "What do you see yourself as in a decade's time?".

12(modified). Who are currently the most important people to you?
My family.

13. How many times your heart has been broken?
Many times. My life isn't a really wonderful.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single and rich. I can still woo whoever I want and get married. !XO

15(modified). What are your favourite colours?
Black and White.

16. If you're attached but you feel as if you like someone else, what would you do?
Psycho myself not to.

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Usually not. Forgive perhaps, but surely not forget. Yes, I lead a miserable life.

18. What do you want to tell the someone you like?
Close the window before leaving the house. Neh Ni Neh Ni Poo Poo. FUCK YOU BITCH! Just Kidding! I won't be so dumb to write it here right? LOLLL, therefore.....

18(modified). What do you want to tell the someone you DO NOT like?
FUCK YOU BITCH!

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends, which will you choose?
Friends. !XO

20. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
Shamine Wee Shi Yun: CUI~~~ HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!! Well not all the time. She can be quite strong too. This question is pretty ambiguous as it can inolve a huge scope. Therefore....

20(modified). What do you think about the person who tagged you while doing this questionnaire?
Shamine Wee Shi Yun: CUI!

5 people to do this survey:
ichi) Chio Huey Huey
ni) Damien Teo
san) Joanna Che Yong Tian
shi) Ang Serli
go) Ong Peixuan

post 28 ME

2008-11-09T06:18:00.001-08:00

(tagged from Lynnette Chua Ying Ting, YJC223LEMP, Bowen, Rosyth)
The rules and regulations:
1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People tagged are required to post their own 10 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, tag 10 other people!
4. No tag back !
_____________________________
1) I sometimes think how it would be like if I'm a girl.
2) I like to imagine. Think of different cartoon characters that I can create with the action story scenarios. Also, imagine myself on deserted island, leading hunter-gatherer life.
3) I love sleeping. I don't get pissed then, see, speak and hear no evil. Love sleeping on wooden sofas!
4) I get pissed easily, especially if one breaks ethical rules. Furthermore, I will remember it for a very long time.
5) I love to pull stubby hair off the hamstrings, see them come out 1 by 1. Not that I'm vain, just well, sick.
6) I like to disturb my elder brother.
7) I love to watch 'mythbusters' and 'man vs wild' on discovery channel.
8) I like to learn, study, mug, take exams, learn from mistakes, but don't like to take back grades even if I get A. In school, the obsession for top grades is the root of all evil.
9) I would like a pet Snow Owl, as much as I would like daughters.
10) I sometimes question my role as a friend of my friends. Sometimes I have identity clash, sometimes I feel inadequate, unworthy or incomplete as a buddy.
______________________________________________
Tagging:
1) Chio Huey Huey
2) Shamine Wee
3) Chai Suwi
4) Ang Serli
5) Ong Peixuan
6) Huen Yanshan
7) Damien Teo
8) Louis Loo
9) Benjamin Lau
10) Joanna Che Yongtian

WHAT NOT 16

2008-08-25T09:04:00.001-07:00

''Whatever Things'' programme shall officially have its name changed to ''What Not'' so posts and content are still of the same babbly nature.
-shrugs-
Go:
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now even if we don’t speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad. When you’re finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

post 27 okay, class...

2008-07-10T06:05:00.000-07:00

I thought that I could share some of these things that I found was pretty meaningful.

“If I fail this exam, I won’t make it in life”
Failure can refine you
Don’t let it define you

“You need to be selfish in Life to get ahead. Don’t share your notes. Don’t help your friends”
Life is not about you
Being a kind, decent person will pay off in more ways than you think

“I am just not smart or talented enough”
Persistence, hard work and initiative will always outweigh natural talent“

If I want to be rich and successful, I must be a doctor/ engineer/ architect/ banker”
Play to your natural strengths
Stick to what you love
The money and more, will follow

“I have no clue what I want to do in life. I won’t get very far because I have no ambition and no plan”
Finding what you want to do is usually a process of elimination
Just do whatever you are interested in

“I must get good grades to do well in life”
Good grades make things easier and open doors faster
They ultimately do not guarantee anything

Well, I certainly do hope it works like that. I wonder about certain statements. If the above is true, then talent can equate to money and career? What if your strengths so happen not to be strong enough? Wouldn’t it then take a hell of a world class upbringing to stay focused? That requirement, I know, is not provided to everybody. Background and environment, I guess, plays a very important role in determining one’s path. Everybody has different background, environment and even CHOOSES their own thoughts differently, and thus lead to a variance in prioritizing patterns. Does it apply to all cases that by doing what we actually love, the money and all will follow? Things may be late, but how long are we going to live? A single year wait in a career journey is a lot of time. Our rote learning makes us tend to the easiest, fastest, safest, and most guaranteed pathways. Well, maybe not tend to, but hold the notion dearly to, which can be pretty fatal to self-esteem issues should one fail.And this goes to some of my classmates. This year is an important year, the A-level year. I know many others have nagged about this better than I do. But what I want to say is I’m pretty worried for you, if you don’t see the potential in you, I’m telling you that I can. And I’m pretty saddened by the fact that your progress in grades and in a valuable person is moving pretty slow or stagnant. I remember you used to teach me math, economics, and so on with such confidence, that I held you in high regard. Perhaps due to your immediate mates, which I am not saying that they suck, but just not ideal if your value keep crumbling down like that. You of all people shouldn’t be failing now. Where’s the flare? And you (another individual), you really got to do something like urgently. Stop disrespecting yourself and start moving! Don’t find any excuses already. Anything can happen, just please do not lower the amount of respect you have for yourself.

post 26 Finally and well, perhaps

2008-07-06T03:53:00.000-07:00

Mark Twain once said:
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”

Well sure I don’t testify for that. I think I’m like the epitome of finding-excuses-to-excuse-myself-from-work kind of person. Well, much work has to be done. And I shall always remember The Elite Frogman pledge from NDU. Not much people know about it so I shall not post. June 08 is sure a sickening one, so sick I do not actually know where to start. Well, block tests kind of robbed away lovely time to recharge batteries for work. Apart from that it is further divided into 2 by essential holiday lessons. Boo. Yea boo.
Sure many things have happened since I last blogged. One of which is the agonizing confinement from YOU (YOU as in you who likes to call me YOU too, =)). Tests, pool sessions, study study study… now dreadful races keep me occupied. I came to learn that actually I don’t suit individual sports, especially going for competition part. I pretty dislike the loneliness and no-one-understands-you part, which I guess explains why only we breed only fully understand fellow breed. I love sport as much as it is on its own, I don’t even mind pole vaulting. In the mean time, 53!

Today is the first Sunday I’m spared from lessons. It seems pretty productive that I just completed a set of tutorials, though not of best of speed, but well, a manageable step completed nonetheless. I’m going to have to plan all the baby steps well before the big one comes. Everybody is as fearful and anxious as I am I think. It’s pretty funny isn’t it? When we’re in JC1, we pushed and struggled just to get to JC2, which is the shitter of shitty shit holes. Now we finally made it to JC2, and hope we’re in JC1 again. I begin to wonder why I am studying in a JC when it is an arena for champions, like stated before. The champions then go on to be Heroes, then Legends. Grades after all are not going to define and draw perimeters on a person’s life, yet some still fall prey to it (even the smartest ones). To the arrogant bastard: This may be your arena we’re in, but it is your ONLY arena, don’t think so much about it as you can’t survive in others, much less put in my disposition to play your arena. You will not make it far given that tar-black heart.

Confinement from YOU has very well made me “goldfish-strong”. I learnt to psyche myself to get used to unfavorable situations and make the most out of it. I think it goes the same for you too. I look forward to even quality quiet times, having just each other’s company makes my day too. CGS and IKEA is fun! And well maybe the cause of my “inexpression” lies in my upbringing that most of the time I get revolted for doing that. Thus I don’t do it anymore. Growing up to me isn’t very wonderful learning experience? I learn things the hard way. I’m like usually alone at home literally and figuratively, keeping to myself is pretty normal. Also I’m like a super greedy pig in this too, but I cannot blame you as I don’t tell, say, or even hint. That you don’t know the slightest clue, and resort to guessing? So, oh my god, what have I done to myself. And also, thank you very much, for giving me whatever that there is. I don’t fear so much now. I’ll try my very best to be the best boyfriend there is for you.

Whatever things 15

2008-06-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the sweetest day ever.

-
Thursday, June 05, 2008.......
"extraordinary.exciting

water drenched the clothes, down to the skin but we ran in unison towards the shelter.
the same dampness on the skin, on the sea, exactly4 years ago.and a kind woman offered a lift..

the gentle sea breeze, musty smell of the after rain all imprinted in my memory.

its just so natural "

oh well, what can i say? i'm very fortunate. x)
now i'm looking forward to finishing blocks so to meet again.
must head there again! well with more sunlight please.
-

post 25 Now I Know

2008-04-28T07:36:00.000-07:00

I know this is really not being very nice or even as myself in the first place, but I will say what I have to say after all.

I’m pointing both my middle fingers to both of you, and yes I’m not going to pull them back in any way because you people deserve it. I have seriously heard enough and had enough, directed to me or not, the both of you seriously have lack of a heart to treat others well. I bet along the course of your insignificant lives people come to tell you to choose your words wisely and I really do not see that happening for any of Pete’s sake in you two. Wonder why do I have such strong rejections? The answer is simple- Values.

The beauty image of the phrase “handle yourself with your head, but handle others with your heart” becomes really tarnished really badly and beyond recognition time and time again. Why do you have to do that? Why do you have to say that? You mean you really cannot see what occurs after? Then you are really blind, and no common sense to speak of. I’m not even talking about morals here even, not even so deep, which means to say that you in your thick nerdy numb skulls do not understand how people feel towards certain sentences and expression! You do not even need to be a literature student please.

I do not even need to open a debate room for many in class can testify to ALL your blasphemies. Once sickening people can turn good form our class and I have seen it with my own eyes, and felt with my own heart. How oh-so-proud I am of them. Furthermore you of all people, supposedly having all that ‘common sense’ can see that you have to do something about yourselves? You’re not doing anything, yet despising them! You talk about being impeccably prim to me? I can seriously easily thrash you out. What for? Over such a tiny issue you are showing your weakness. Is it worth the shot even? I worry for your character man.

Living life in a Junior College is supposedly to mean a whole new thing not what manifests in you people. Your insufferable arrogance in minors disgusts many. I do not want to name any people for that will really spoil your day and your remaining journey to completing a Junior College education and stings your heart with regret further on (only applies if you DO STILL have a conscience). I CAN name them all, if you want me to, and I pledge to you I will protect whatever views and virtues that they have to find discomfort in you. So what if you take a particular language, or subject, or participate in a CCA you are so proud of? You people are just a disgusting disgrace to them all and our community. When Yipeng topped the class I was oh-so-happy. You know why. When THAT didn’t work out, I was oh-so-happy too. That’s your inevitable retribution. That’s as you do not believe in things like Ahimsa or Non Mihi Solum. I do not care if you are top athlete or top scholar; your heart has nothing at all worthy to be respected even as mere Hominids.

I will not name whatever you have done and why you have done them, even to you if you asked me. That is for you people knew the reason why and what you all did clearer than I do. Go and reflect.
Honestly speaking, should that day come when tables are turned, I will rejoice with you. In the mean time, I’m still pointing both my middle fingers at you. Don’t blame me for making repentance tough on you people, for you have made others lived hard times too. As long as I catch you break simple moral and virtuous rules and cross lines, you are my enemy, for as long as you repent. (Such disgusting faggots, even _ _ _ _ s is not that bad)

post 24 safe anymore?

2008-03-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

I think I would like to ditch the idea of posting several things that I promised in one of my previous posts that was oh-so-long ago. Seriously is there the lack of time.

What a big day that passed recently: the release of ‘A’ level results. It represents a life turning point for many pre-U students. This naturally leads to the application and admission towards the universities, and the continuation of the next phase of life. Honestly speaking it would be really hard to get anywhere with an ‘A’ level certificate in this nation. This is not Great Britain. Failure to convert it to degree would spell ‘disaster’ to many. This fact, I guess, has already been hardly drilled into many of us in Singapore.

I recently read the papers about the admissions to universities. It dawned on me that it is so much tougher than I expected it to be. I began to question myself a lot, to the point of even my loyalty to the country. If this presents so much despair to me, what about those who cannot even earn a seat? I was thinking maybe the JC is only set for people who are blessed throughout their entire lives, having good background, good environment, and basically having-it-all. Straight As now cannot bring you where you want to go as stated in the papers, and I seriously hope this clause I just typed in is false. So I begin to wonder why pre-U even exists? Since it is only meant for the really high-fliers (not just the average high fliers I’m talking about here. What about those who can’t even fly that high?) , why bother setting up so many of it? Just one big main center would do isn’t it? So now I get what a previous article meant by transforming ‘lower’ JCs to technical training schools. The idea came about because seriously, people are not making it. Resources are simply just wasted.

The whole episode instills into many local students a lot of fear. Furthermore, the paradigm of it all crafts us not to be that optimal students after all. Many of us are doing what we are doing because it helps us get where we want to go to. Perhaps another CCA point? Perhaps a prettier SGC? Many a time we are not hitting the objectives of true compassion, love and interest while in CCA or CIP. Then it becomes analogous to dogs doing tricks to get snacks isn’t it? How mercenary we have become. I acknowledge the fact there is still the presence of really good people. Honestly, for how long? In such competition, if you’re not fit enough, just-die-and-get-lost protocol comes into play wouldn’t it? Who wouldn’t become uber realistic? Fakeness arises. Sigh. All these mad rat race to wear the gown and square hat is sure painful and sickening. I pity those who had already completed a degree, but it does not get recognized, which is much worse. That group cannot even pay back whatever money borrowed to complete the course. And I really envy those who are really blessed. Sometimes I feel diligence is not what people are looking for now, they just want to see the ‘A’s, regardless how smart or hardworking you are. Of course, the blessed wins, and wins by the hordes, taking ‘ownage’ of the realm. Handicap.

I guess most of us would just want to lead a comfortable life, earn a healthy income enough to support the family and provide for the folks. A healthy paying job therefore becomes a necessity. I prefer to think of the notion of ‘in Singapore, without a degree, you will just die’, as false. I don’t buy it. Of course who wouldn’t agree it is the safest? My teacher used to tell me “You transferred to JC? Good good! It is the safest route to a comfortable life! You made the correct move.” Is it really that safe now? Your time was like eons ago. I feel very sad, and scared. I just want to be able to comfortably provide for my family, and lead a simple happy life. And I still have faith our state holds Singaporean blood as priority.
_

Politics in school have taken yet another step. Some once sucky people became really nice ones. I’m so really proud of that. Recently, I gained more insights to certain stories, and my goodness was it complicated. Humans are a tricky thing isn’t it? So very much is love. Aphrodite must have formulated tons and tons of equations for it. And I bet Cupid’s fingers jitter really badly before taking a shot. Oh-so-many incidents happened...

Whatever things 14

2008-03-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

I lag in my posts, alright i get it. I realise i'm always waiting for other people to blog and get myself entertained of all the gossips.

I wanna thank everybody who wished me a happy birthday, made some effort to do something or whatever, just thanks so much. And i really enjoyed 23rd. It seemed like eternity.

Moving on with school now, more progress with work. I cannot really say that for my life. i still meet sickening people, may not be from class perimeters but all over school. I vow that i will never give up my cherished bosom friends, hanging around you people makes the world a little happier. When will people grow up? i wonder am i a good person in the first place.

Fear greeted me. Insecurity visited me. I'm afraid that there will be a change that eats from the inside of a comfort i knew for 6 years of thick and thin. I look up the sky and i hope with all the trust and faith that i can find. i'm afraid.

I got to put on my battle gear in 2 minutes and fight.
When forward looks too daunting, well, don't look back, look beside you, for there are many people fighting with you. =)

-Oh, so beautiful-
That killed me softly

whatever things 13

2008-01-06T01:17:00.000-08:00

Pressure...
Homework not done: Photosynthesis, Respiration, Organic Chemistry, Mathematics Package, Vectors, DE
Topics not caught: Photosynthesis, Respiration, Organic Chemistry, DE, Vectors, Complex numbers, Probability lessons are coming
Not revised: B C M e Gp
Tests coming up: B C M e Gp...

Fight! No prisoners! No mercy! MVP!

post 23 two thousand and seven

2007-12-30T10:49:00.000-08:00

Okay…. So it has been a long time now eh! Now it is 2354hrs 30 December 2007… Time really flew past me. This year was a more pleasant year, I’m really happy about it. Let’s see, the things that I will be talking about will more or less revolve around what has happen and what I feel towards certain events (like duh…). Now, it’s dark, it’s lonely, the prefect time to blog! (Joanna and Shamine are PM-ing me non stop)

2007 came much anticipated for me, it was a new year to be feared. Well who wouldn’t be worried about coping in a junior college? Be it friends, popularity, CCA, or syllabus, the term ‘JC’ sums all. I was really scared when I was walking into the school on the first day to have orientation, all the new faces, different uniforms, bright eyes and scholarly looks. I thought to myself, how am I going to survive the fight with all these contenders around? I wanna hide in the toilet! On top of that, I cannot find my name on the big board which states the Orientation group that I belong to, which is so sickening. I’m sure I did my appealing before, what was the VP doing? I saw my ex-classmate, a school councilor, trying to ‘herd the sheep’, I felt comforted, and a little sad. Comforted that he is a familiar face, sad that I cannot be in the same class as he is. So whatever the case, I didn’t enjoy orientation, and I really hate to do introductions to say that I came from the poly, it sounds very out of sync. But now im ok about it… quite proud of it honestly =)

School starts, new friends, new classmates, same fear, same situation. Make friends! Lessons then officially began, I remember I had this fiery power to listen and pay attention, because I have missed so much before already. I was really aggressive inside. The first GP lesson that KO-ed most in class didn’t daunt me, I survived. Then I realized that this attitude and energy cannot die, if not I will die together with it. And also, it was this that I was labeled and branded as a diligent disciplined student. I don’t really like this labeling thing, but it is hard to escape its clutches. Sometimes I silently label people as well, maybe it is a way humans device a mechanism to recognize people and relate to their characteristics. Well, because with labeling, responsibility comes with it, and it is responsibility you didn’t want to accept in the first place. People will expect you to perform and behave in a certain manner that if you don’t act to it, it will feel weird to others, then all the name-calling begins, and all the uncomfortable mumbo-jumbos starts.

With lessons comes all the hardships of the JC syllabus. HOLY CRAP! We’re studying a whole load of JC material, who wouldn’t struggle? I had my biggest struggle in the first 2 weeks, I remember clearly it is just partial fractions and summation. It killed me so badly. That first 2 weeks of school was really torturous. Since when the cell became so complicated? What are the charges of the respective ions? CRAP! I don’t know all of them! This is just how the brain works: USE IT OR LOSE IT. Nat Geo has this programme that says that frequent use of the particular part of the brain hardwires the neural connections for the function. So this is where the phrase “practice makes perfect” come about. And the sad thing about this is that, when you don’t use it, the brain ‘thinks’ it is a useless neural connection, and hence it breaks. So whoever is reading this, if you want a particular skill to stay with you, PRACTISE! Furthermore, especially at this puberty period, the brain filthers the useful and the useless connections. Im sure you don’t want your useful neural connections to be gone right. Then do what you must. It is because of this I took a very very long time to catch certain things, like golgi, ER, DD, SS, and all that… I bet Sharon vomited blood trying to teach me.

Still the battle is on, everyone has to try no matter how fat or thin, fair or tanned you are… There is this Japanese saying ‘do not be afraid of going slow, be afraid of standing still’. So bit by bit the tables are turned. And for math, the very life changing moment happened when I picked myself up 7am that morning to go to the airport to ‘chiong’ for the whole day. And after that, I can really see the big improvement. Well, 47 was quite a nice number then haha! A humble integer like that surprised the math teacher, from then, things build up , you know, keep going and going, follow the flow…

PROJECT WORK! What the hell is this? What it aims to build us up to? The skills promised to students are not meeting objectives. I think it is quite a good idea, but tweak it a little bit. I shall not rant too much negativities about it, if I get caught I will just die. And erm, honestly speaking, even though I didn’t learn much from PW, I actually like it a lot. Who could have escaped form the evil palms of PW discomfort? I didn’t, everybody didn’t. There were much times PW was a pain. I was really fortunate that I am blessed with a wonderful PW group, lots of fun and laughter, work gets done still. Long Live the Black Mushrooms! (Task 1: Groundbreaker, Anita Roddick, the founder of The Body Shop) there was this really comical time when the poor dame passed away in 2007, we had to change all the tenses. In PW, I don’t really approve of what is being taught to us, as in the way to do our presentations especially. There’s like 1001 ways to do so, why must it be so ‘to the book’? It’s really rigid, maybe it’s the school’s strategy to get more As so we learn at face-value certain skills. The thing I’m sad about is the amount of exposure one gets sometimes. I’m worried I, or maybe even others get lop-sided after graduation. Hopefully not. Life is still tough.
w
There was this point of time that added a lot of spice to my year 1 experience. That’s none other than being appointed as the orientation president. Then, I was like ‘shit!’ on the inside. I have to fish back all the leadership auras I left lying around. Calling back on the committee members and all that, I think I can handle some part of this, then the big engine revved so I was more or less comfortable to do some serious leading. Undoubtedly the biggest challenge is not handling OGLs or students, is the O2 that I’m worried about. Life’s tough on its own, O2 makes life even tougher. I bet YJC councilors know what I’m talking about. I’m not so sore about O2, just a bit displeased. I’m very thankful to have a wonderful committee, wonderful set of OGLs to run everything smoothly. Though some may disagree, but my way of leadership is that I shower a lot of care to my subordinates, most of the time I forgave others for the errors. I apologize for all the nonsense, I know I tried my best, and there were many things that cannot be controlled, and I thank all of you for being very adaptable to new information and be able to think on your feet. Sadly, after orientation, I think I happen to be on some people’s bad side, which gave me this very weird feeling. Whatever the case is, I know I tried my best, so the students know the school better and not be so lonely around, then I know I have done my job. The ignorance of whatever is going on behind the scene can be forgiven. Once again, thank you all and I’m so sorry! That event was quite a wake up call of whether I want to join the council or not. I wanted to honestly, but then coming to think of O2 again, nah, I’ll pass. It further pissed me when they were choosing council members of L1R5 < 13. I was thinking, like since when leadership was tied to grades? LOL, I knew it was their calling, all I could do was to sigh, wink and walk away.

Another struggle was the EQ side of the year. I encountered a lot of hypocrisy, jealousy, hatred, and all the backstabbing, and a lot of ‘fake-ness’ around. Sometimes I wish there were mannequins to replace certain thorns of the flesh, life would be so much peaceful. Whatever it is, not all gardens are that pretty, every garden has their own secrets… Sometimes some gardens have secret gardens or just a tad a too much of weed. Weeds are the main reason why I am very picky about friends that I can be really comfortable with, and also why I don’t really join in cliques. Loneliness is something I can handle very well. Apart from all the weeds, gardens do bear beautiful flowers as well… I’m really happy there are such pretty flowers. This makes things a lot more comfortable. Then, come to think of it, comfort as in the EQ side is something I will not take for granted anymore, that’s why I try to be the best person that I can be all the time. I know who is good to me. I know who is changing for the better. Friendship to me just takes a little bit of trust and discipline, maybe a pinch of responsibility too, it’s not that hard to be a good friend. Really. I pray that there will be less fake-ness lying around the coming year, and everybody will be on their best self. That amounts to why there is a lack in world peace, I’m so sick of seeing all the fighting.

Promo comes and promo goes, the fear comes and the fear goes, so is Chinese A levels and Oral Presentation. We’re done with all of them! That was really a ‘groundbreaking’ feeling man. Obstacles have to be experienced… it’s quite an inevitable kind of thing. Sometimes it is also a very mind thing, if you think it is an obstacle then it is, and vice versa. Very ‘funnily’ I have a lot a lot of stress after that big turn of events. Usually people go bonkers over the promos. I went bonkers after the promos, trying to catch vectors, complex numbers, preparing for China Trip, trying to make new friends with them, and of course rejection, photosynthesis, respiration, organic chemistry, AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH… to the extent my hair dropped in front of my own eyes! I was reading some notes, and pulling my hair unknowingly, and some hair really did came out. Sickening. Ok so the main thing about this part is the China Trip. So let’s fly there, Jinan International Airport, Shandong, China, 7 degrees Celsius thereabout. The cold was really exciting, it grips everyone. I have more tolerance for this kind of cold, but I really cannot stand the air-con. Singapore’s hygiene is of course on a higher standard. The Chinese spit and smoke as though there is no tomorrow, it takes time adjusting. Sometimes we had to ‘dodge’ some flying ‘phlegms’ my goodness was it disgusting. Price costs of products was of course much lower other than the branded stuff that may be well higher than Singapore’s. Splurged a lot on souvenirs, food, food, food and more food. The warm bubble tea isn’t to be missed in that nasty cold weather. Too bad I cannot get a pair of nunchuku home. We always frequent the night markets around, shopping and eating, having fun. It was a really good time, no stress at all, even there is, it was minimal. During the first week, the water was always not warm enough, and the toilet just can’t seem to flush the stool in. Sounds more disgusting than experiencing it I think. Somehow, the management seem to do something about it, I don’t wish to know too. I feel that we Singaporeans live too comfortable lifestyles and we know a lot. We know what is hygienic, we know what is prim and proper, we know what is hip. That is why there are a lot of issues or situations that we consider a pain or an obstacle itself. For example, in Hope Primary School in China, the children lived their lives without toilet flushes and they can be so happy about it. Just mere gifts of stationery made their day. That was how simple. In return, they gave us walnuts and chestnuts (my mom found some worms and discarded everything)! That was just how simple. It was a really humbling experience to teach them whatever subject we were supposed to do so, and I think I failed again being the planner for this part. We salvaged what we could, did our best and tried what we can. I learnt that I am still very bad with kids. Gotta buck up! Lived too serious and isolated life from young I guess. And back in the experimental high school, a very good one, the attitude of the students was amazing. Everybody was so motivated to doing well, all were like model students. Really another humbling experience which makes us reflect on our attitude. Finally, nothing beats hanging around happily with friends. This is where The Charcoal Clique comes around. I don’t really know why it must be charcoal, but nonetheless, a very comfortable one! My nick is ‘MF- Mass Flirt’, -.- , oh my goodness… I’m like not so good with girls ok. Oh deary. The others are: maid, nurse, gay, nehh, ah-lian, professor, sleeping Buddha, kueh. 9 of us =) very happy about it. Also, I’m very thankful I’m blessed with a really wonderful room-mate who can really share my joys and pains, and for taking good care of me throughout the 2 weeks. I really appreciate it. Good partnership and chemistry is priceless! I got to know some Chinese friends from the trip too which I still keep in contact via email, well even the tour guide as well! Really happy to have gone, never regretted. Really wish them good luck too, they study like ALL the arts and ALL the science subjects at the same time, but less in depth I guess, still it is very sickening! Why would a system do that? I would just simply die, apart from all the subjects, the medium of language is Chinese, and that is something I’m not very good at, even their English language is taught with Chinese explanations. I mean, that is not the way to go man. Language takes listening power as well, and the teacher is not providing the environment. Oh dear oh dear. Better schools of course have better ways. So poor thing a vicious cycle carries on, the poor gets poorer.

I came home on the 1st December 2007 around 8am. The house seemed smaller, and looks just like another hotel to me. The air was much clearer in Singapore, warm, clean, and expensive =( A few days passed, I did DE tutorial, and I felt that I CAN actually continue to do all my homework, but I think I will just regret. That is because if I don’t play now, I don’t know when I’m going to do so later. So, pens down! Stow away the papers! HITMAN – Codename 47 ON! I completed the game, alongside with Half Life 2, Castle Wolfenstein this year as well. Went for Kboxing with the charcoals, then hung around, even like that was kinda fun too, just hang around and waste time. Movies, outings, and PARTYING! 22nd’s party was a big big blast. Too bad I cannot stay for long the second day. It was party with the charcoals! And for that I baked, despite the illness, a cheesecake! It was a big experiment! First time was I doing a cheesecake, and first time was I doing a cake on a crust. Come to think of it, it wasn’t so difficult after all. It was also first time I added toppings and all that on top to make it look pretty enough to salivate. Being sick sucks, the skin somehow was so sensitive to touch, every time I touch something, it feels like being electrocuted, talk about baking… ugh… especially cold water. On top of that, backache, bad bad one! Really glad that the whole cake thing was a success! Pray that I will get more professional as time goes by! The remaining days, because of illness and drowsy medicine, I just slept mainly. And being sick sucks, wastes a lot of time. Then I could really feel that ‘time waits for no Man’ despite hearing it all the time. So if you want to do something do it now! Lead a fulfilling life and don’t look back. Do things which will not cause regret, and be responsible for all your actions. Why? Because time waits for no Man. Because of this, I squandered my holidays away playing, displeasing my parents…

Lastly, I would like to say that I will dearly miss the friends who will not be with us in the school anymore. That is such a sad thing to think of. I hope that 2007 has been an enjoyable one to you as it is for me, and 2008 be a great year for all, and there’ll be fireworks festival as beautiful of better than this year’s. Olympics rings together with 2008 in Beijing. The sporty season is coming! Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year!
Its 0247 hrs 31st December 2007. The LAST DAY of the year… Remember to fight, and fight hard!
2008 is for us to conquer! Let’s fight hand in hand! For Victory!

I pray for World Peace, and a PSC or SAF _ c h _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _!

whatever things 12

2007-11-12T07:16:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna spread the love overseas... FEEL THE LOVE!
I will be back to finish what i have not!
good holidays to all...

feeling kind of nostalgic now my hands lazed on the keys...
listen to old songs... not blogged even exams are over.
results were ok, not that good nor bad, basically just promoted to J2...
can't believe i am going to be a J2 soon, it feels... WHOA! -inhales!- , "wow, it's J2!"
that's my 2006 christmas, 2007 new year and birthday wish come true...
-clasps hands by bosom- 'I wish that i will promote to J2!!!'
felt so so fearful then... so defenseless and vulnerable. Thanks to all those who helped me, you know who you are. Thanks... really.

Deepavali was simple but a blast... could have been more exciting though, a blast nontheless.

stress comes after the exams, funny though, i AM very stressed now... books, OCIP, -secret-
and to those who have been unpleasant, can you all please be nice? it is really not easy ok...
it's just a simple 'do unto others what others do unto you' (sth like tt) system, just be nicer alright... -heaves-, it is not just all about fun-and-games... grow up! be responsible for yourselves... no more daddy mommy watching over...

how to get it??? it is so tough! where is the light at the end of the tunnel? oh my goddd... i want it so badlyyyy... i need strength to fight, can i borrow from anyone?

NZ

post 22 Reflections

2007-09-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

I guess it is time to write an entry, since it is only fair for me to try to entertain those who have entertained me and not always sit back to watch the show. I’m so sorry people, there is no particular excuse, just that priorities must be set right. Blogs like mine are just for reading, not really to be pondered upon till the cows go home.

Lifestyle for me has hastened a lot. Time is sacrificed especially from leisure, and be invested into the workload bestowed onto me. I have not been reading my books at hand. Namely, the Holy Bible, Gandhi Autobiography, Band of Brothers, Daily Enlightenments, and the ‘Seeds’(compilations of students Chinese essays). Actually come to think of it, I do not particularly have much of leisure time. I lead a very boring lifestyle, usually work and work and read and read. This ironically has become the laughing stock and respect of mere observers. Lacking leisure and hobbies is just a so-happened kind of thing. It so-happened that I do not take much interest in watching TV, and it so-happened that I do not take pleasure in playing many games. I always thought that it is quite insensible to invest and excel in entertainment. It is not that it will reap particular benefits. Anyway, I am not particularly nerd as well, although my pastime has usually taken the mocking by people. I recently paid much attention to the channel 8 weekday 7-8pm serial, and as predicted, I got more welcomed into the social circle for that. Isn’t this very er, mercenary? The fairy Godmother would say, “You must do according to what is going to be socially accepted!” –Sigh- I know I am weird; you do not have to rub salt and douse wine onto the wounds.

Secondly, I feel particularly guilty about despising the mainstream once. Blame on the fact I was not brave enough to run the fast lane? Blame on the fact I was influenced? Blame on my immaturity. Blame on my stupid choice to do so. I used to think mainstream is narrow, insipid, dull and unfriendly. Eventually I found myself into this ring. I noticed that there actually are people who are very sensible, caring, lovable, etc. The conversations held can be actually very mature and of much thought. Although sometimes past routes have their boons that beat the banes of the present. Whatever it is, just continue walking. Walk and walk and walk. Walk to the end. Don’t look back.

This is as looking back can result in a different sequence of chemical reactions in the body. A different set of emotions is felt. Lost, fear, insecurity, and instability. These can disrupt the confidence of the present. Thankfully, I can do so, or else I am in trouble. So thankful I can have the power of higher energy levels, higher discipline and better attitude. I am so going to need all these attributes or else I am going to be in deep shit. Hope my boat and sails remain strong. Hope they would sail me far and fast.

Apologies to those who find that it is boring here. I like it this way, go ahead and laugh, be my guest, I am proud of it anyway. Not that it is a disorders-are-fun format. This blog was created in turmoil times. If you still do not get it, try laughing at other’s locked-from-particular-viewers blogs. I will laugh with you then, all the way to laughing at this. It is quite utopian for me this way too. There is significance in the art and meaning behind which you can go ahead to laugh, yet again, so loudly in blatant assumption. All that disregard disgusts me silently. Strictly no gossips, no paparazzi. I state again, coming here to find them is wrong. Head some other direction.

As such, I find that I govern my life with a lot of hate. I took quite some time to discover this, through time alone and of thought. I use hate as a measure. I use hate as an approximation. I use hate for so many things. Sometimes I get the feeling that it boils down to this, all that amount of misfortunes experienced. Where is the love? All that betrayals and anger seen in other’s eyes pains my spirit. It thins ‘incentives’. The ‘incentives’ of being good, the ‘incentives’ of being virtuous, the ‘incentives’ to spread the love as encouraged by all religions. Sometimes it is advised to me to ignore it. Can ignorance actually solve all? Not practical all the time is it not? I begin to wonder, why is this repulsion that I feel comes to me without particular cause? Maturity rots away like that. Such blasphemy. I still believe in good no matter what. What is done, said, insulted what not, I still believe in good. It is largely because of this rooted principle that I harnessed a lot of hate inside. There are so many rule breakers, adults and adolescents alike. The keys may not be forcefully punched in, but there is still potent poison that I feel inside of me, all that frustration and hate. Oh so much hate. I wish that there is a graceful and elegant angel to touch this away. I really do not want to turn bad. I constantly tell myself to be good for the society and the loves of my life. It is just oh so difficult to put certain things down, just because rules are broken. They come in forms of distrust, disrespect, dishonesty, ungratefulness, and other dirty little demons that haunt people. Society is less pleasant like that. All that backstabbing… Why hug someone when you are holding a knife only to stab, holding someone in pain after that not of love and compassion, staining a once clean pair of hands red and sticky, then leaving them to die on their own, calling the ambulance because the angry angel said so.

Why do adults, full-fledged and budding ones, despise others? I still do not get it. For honour? For glory? In the excuse of motivation? For reverse psychology? Why? I hope it does not link to the economic assumption that mankind is self-centered. It is felt all the time by the not-so-well-offs because of certain disabilities. The world shouldn’t be this disgusting to live in. Try to express more love and patience? I see and hear them all the time, the men despise the women, the rich despise the poor, the smart despise the dumb, and no one admits it. Because it goes on silently inside. Maybe Mother Nature engineered us all to be like that. If so, DON’T EXPRESS IT in any way that is going to be exposed to hurt. Honestly speaking, I really cannot stand the above 3 comparisons. I will feel so hateful. Recent incidences of school teachers despising other school students raised particular discomfort in me. Not fit to be one? Yes! But she is still here, not that overthrowing can be executed by thought, I’m not Charles Xavier of X-men, only student. Because she comes from a so called better off school. We all remain helpless then. Walking a road already filled with water; on top of that, it flows backwards! This results in us walking with so much effort just to cover the same distance, drenched and beat, knowing so much effort was wasted toward forcing the water. Sometimes he said that name is actually very important, and I agree. I used to disagree, but this is the way the world works, because it is governed by many rule-breaking adults. For same standards 2 comments will emerge: “wow you worked hard” for us, and “you underperformed” for them, and ultimately choosing them over us. Sometimes it is this that forces the rat race meaningless. For name and glory and pride, not about being rewarded. What a judgmental world is persists to be. “Because we have limited resources” [sarcasm]. It pains me further to hear from the news that bottom JCs are going to be forced into technical training schools, because not many students from bottom JCs are making it. So they are doing this, to further benefit the newer Singaporean generation. The culture and the charity of the school will then be lost is it not? I bet we are going to be aimed and badly fired at. We got to brace ourselves till then, because we are not smart enough, not smart like them who have the privilege of standing on greener grasses.

Not so much of an entertainment I guess. Sometimes I get the feeling that certain people reading this shouldn’t be reading this. I’m bent on not locking the blog. Lastly, I am oh so tired of wearing masks. Burn them all and throw rocks at their ashes.

do comment if you wish.

post 21 Do what you want

2007-07-01T01:39:00.000-07:00

no bearings? lost your coordinates? torn map? down and out? watch this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPL_NjBjUWE&eurl=

post 20 Anniversary

2007-06-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

It has been a year, continue to work hard, play hard, remember the lessons learnt. BREATHE THE HIGH AIR! 185!

"eh, go Tampines mall le!"
"wait wait, I want to try talking to the bapoks!" "Hi! my name is Amy, I'm 20 years old, my friends are out at back." FUCK YOU BITCH!
the breasts looks uber real though
"haha! Hans birthday is it? No wonder" -WHACK!-
"Hit it!"
mimosa ass'
and so, the mighty Gurkhas joined in the watching of porn. What a fair share huh!
"HL milk! HL milk! Blue tooth on!!!"
Jit-man, Padam, Yam-Pun, Andy Ai Boon, Melvin, LT Foong, SSG Puah, LT He Rui Jie, WO Toh, LT Chew, LT James, Siva, S. Prem Kumar, Prabhu, uncle Victor, WO Eric, Karthi, SEAH , and the pair of ankle-brace, not forgetting the team of red lions
SBAB, PLAB
CH-47, FK-50, C-130
1700, 0900, 1930
8 ok! 7 ok! 6 ok! 5 ok! 4 ok! 3 ok! 2 ok! 1 ok, Stick ok!
MOVE FORWARD!
side left! go! push turn and roll over...
encik, no flag ah, no morale lar...
see their face, sacred until like that... -evil laughter- ... face all turn white already...
and then he shook my hands and said "Congratulations. Good Job". his hands were rough and full of strength. then he pinned the shiny metal art through the fabrics of my yet-to-be-washed-from-the-jump uniform
stop making a mess of the lightsticks!
the ghost tapped the water-cooler whilst i was drinking in the dark early morning...
"my son regret now never study hard....every morning must drink 2 glass of water.... I also didnt study hard....-yada-yada-" (what a debrief)
HELL-MET, Capewul, Laiv j-k-t, chezz st-r-p, Riis-r-v s-n-p, RP cord, Leg S-t-r-p, pck ty, sttc line, clear and hook'p !!!
STICK 8!
-engine revving-
chopper's heat
chopper noise- "WHAT ?!?!?! I CANNOT HEAR YOUUUU!!!!!"
oh my god, just look at that...
canopy gleam-

all in the days of the...
"Stand up! Hook up! Equipment check! Stand in the door! GO GO GO!"

Whatever things 11

2007-06-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

8 things about myself? let's see....
Louis huh!...
ok let's go...

I play with the nunchaku at home.
it is relatively fun, very dangerous, very hard to experiment new tricks. got knocked by it many times, on the head elbow, hip bone, fingers... and it hurts... nothing at home is crashed...
the chain is a bit a tad long, it can wrap my whole wrist! where it should just rest on half a wrist.

I indulge in strange things.
yeah, like dipping my hand in a bean sack,
waiting for 1st of the month 12pm, to hear the church bell
telescoping the neighbourhood, (im not a voyeur, just to kaypo how the kids play soccer in the viod decks)
fix strange meals, (ya just mainly junk food at the wierdest hours like 2am)
do chin-ups on the store room breathing hole
dun laugh...

I love origami.
simply love it to pieces, fell in love with it seeing an ad when i was young, preschool years
not many people have same sentiments , so i am not going to elaborate,
anyway, help me find robert lang's books on origami

I like to read.
medicine, war story, self improvements, stories, mainly useful stuff

I hate feeling cold.
fuck cold.
but at least i got some level of resistance.
still, fuck cold.

I met with a car accident before.
1999 admiralty
some sucker crashed straight into my dad's car with me taking most of the impact.
spun a few turtles... but everything is fine, no dramatic explosion
first time seeing my dad fume.

I have certain dreams and aspirations.
playing the piano and guitar
hope to be a dentist, or anything in the medical field
i wish for world to be simple and peaceful
i hope to grow to be a good person, a good man, a good son, a good brother, a good friend, maybe a good boyfriend, a good husband, a good father. noting that 'good' has a lot of requirements.
i wish to have a happy simple comfortable life
i just want everything to be ok. 'ok' has a lot of requirements. peace, love, compassion, selflessness... the world is not ok...

I love sleeping.
my vice

whatever things 10

2007-04-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

i think karma is laughing at me
so many events that tell me that i shouldnt have made a certain choice or be embarrassed about something
mother karma is scolding me
i got to wake up, as in F***ing wake up
where is my energy
why am i sick
think come on think
dun stop here lift your feet and put some effort
lift those F***ing feet and start running
why cant i do simpler things when i have accomplished tougher stuff
s***
i go to start running to my destination
see you there

post 19 More chicken than soup

2007-04-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

The secret to success is not wrongly giving up the right thing. Yes, it is that simple. Learn from mistakes and carry on along the new direction found. You only fail when you give up. No one can really say you have failed for good.
The greatest mistake one can make is to not dare to make any mistakes. Mistakes made accidentally should be learnt from sincerely – with no haunting regrets or hard feelings. Making mistakes is an inevitable part of the learning process.
Many of life’s failures are those who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Success is just a whole bunch of failed attempts plus one final perfect attempt. If it is worth it, just do it – never give up. Tell yourself – if I should, I shall! [Page 49]

It is very important to live each moment anew – living each new moment cleansed of our yesterday judgments of others. (I don’t mean to be a gullible fool – Wisdom plays a part as we should know when it is fair to “refer” to a person by past personal experiences.)
Living each moment anew and “freshly reborn” would be to offer ourselves and others infinite chances and forgiveness. It also means giving ourselves limitless space to explore possibilities. Don’t judge when you need not judge. The nasty guy who knocked into you without an apology should not receive a confirmed mental verdict by you as a condemned nasty guy. Live your next encounter with him anew without past judgment and you might realize that he is basically a good guy, who has then rushing in a bad mood. If you were to stubbornly believe that his true nature is lousy, what good can that do? Would you want to live with that judgment of him forever? What if others do that to you? Is it fair either way?
No – we don’t need another life to live anew. A new life can begin now. [Page 50]

Why are we here? What is the meaning and purpose of life? That is the ultimate personal mystery of every individual to be solved by oneself. This search is hardly a journey to the reaches of outer space. No need to uncover the identity of strange aliens, when the individual, on the path to Enlightenment, is one who had discovered true “self”. How much more fascinating can discovering aliens be, when oneself is the immediate alien? [Page 83]

You, the architect of your life, what kind of world have you designed yourself to be in? Does it have poetry and fountains? Or do you pass them by? What is your master plan and what does it lead to? [Page103]

Better than a thousand hollow words
Is one word that brings peace.
Better than a thousand hollow verses
Is that one verse that brings peace.
Better than a thousand hollow lines
Is one line of the law, bringing peace.
It is better to conquer one-self
Than to win a thousand battles. – Dhammapada
[Page 108]

The sky is blue.
The grass is green.
The sky never said it is blue.
Neither did the grass say it is green.
So is the sky blue, and the grass green?
Neither did the sky say it is sky, nor the grass that it is grass.
So what is the sky or grass really?
The sky and grass just IS.
Is-ness
The moment you define it, you are wrong –
That is conceptualization.
Reality is to be experienced – not conceptualized.
[Page 110]

Don’t you think you have a valid excuse for bad behavior when you are moody. Don’t think you can just say something offensive, followed by, “sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m in a bad mood today.” You can’t just walk away like that. Do you expect others to simply understand and forgive you – again and again, when you do it again and again? We can control our moods – we are our masters.
Master your mind
Or be
Mastered by mind. [Page 116]

…
But professionalism is “twisted” when we see it as an insincere act, even if it is a good act. True professionalism is sincerity and skillfulness together. And it does not apply to work only.
We should be sincerely professional in all aspects of life – without putting up an act. Be a professional child to your parent, be a professional friend to your friends, be a professional colleague to your colleagues. [Page 117]

Bro. S.A. Shen 2006. The Daily Enlightenment 1. Singapore: Ad Graphic Pte Ltd

whatever things 9

2007-04-08T07:41:00.000-07:00

Truth?
http://www.arrod.co.uk/essays/matrix.php

post 18 Enlightments

2007-02-16T21:41:00.000-08:00

The kindest thing you can do
is to be kind to yourself,
that you realise the value of kindness so much,
that you actually share it with everybody else! [page 5]

Pride is a tricky thing isn't it? One can be so proud that one refuses
to admit it. The very moment one refuses to admit that one is proud,
one is almost definitely proud. Pride is this strong sense of self that
feels justified in every way despite reality becoming otherwise. In fact,
pride distorts reality. This could be why it is so hard to detect. We all
have pride. To have no pride is to be egoless. For that to happen,
one has to be enlightened! Are you enlightened?
Now watch it - you might "proudly" proclaim that you are
proud. Be repentant! It is not a glamourous thing! it is different
from basic human dignity. It takes a person to be mindful enough
to realise that one is indeed proud to some extent. Only then can
one seriously work at subduing pride. Are you proud? Answer this
mindfully with conviction, with the least pride possible. [page 31]

Bro. S.A. Shen 2006. The Daily Enlightenment 1. Singapore: Ad Graphic Pte Ltd

wHATEVER tHINGS 8

2007-01-21T06:08:00.000-08:00

post 17 Believing in Yourself

2007-01-12T06:57:00.000-08:00

Doubts can stop you from your tracks
It can drain away desire
Believing on the other hand
Can set your world afire

When you hold the opinion that
You can reach that special dream
You have the edge needed to make
Achieving much easier than it may seem

Believing in your ability
Affects the way you act
And produces an air of confidence
Which influences how others will react

When you believe you can achieve
And believe it with all your soul
You possess a powerful asset
You most likely will reach your goal

(Openness means being receptive
Life will present you with numerous
lessons, none of which will be useful
unless you recognise them and
embrace their values)

-from my bookmark-

post 16 (2006)

2006-12-31T03:16:00.000-08:00

It is the night of the 31 of December 2006. I am fresh from bath and slurping on cold cheng-tng in my room. The last day of the year always brings nostalgic feelings to me year after year. I also have a funny habit of starting a year with a large sniff of air. I am waiting for that hand to strike 12. My hands are still a bit sticky with wall paint.

This has not been a very pleasant year for me, even to some of my friends some celebrities also. This is definitely a year to be remembered. The world has to endure the passing of great people like Steve Irwin, and Carl Brashear. As for me, I had to pick myself up after the passing of my relative. However, amidst the hardships gone through, I have always believed that a stronger heart will be molded, so that we can withstand such turbulences later in life.

2006 started in India for me. I counted down into the New Year’s in Mumbai. I saw the beautiful fireworks put up by government employed pyrotechnicians. It was race day. We hauled the boats into the sea and battled our wits out in the morning. I was already beat when I finished the first 2 events, which was back-to-back; I had another race to participate, which was a singles event, unlike the first couple of races which was team events. I won, well not the first, but second. That was a real proud moment for me as I thought a person as insignificant as me could bring glory for my nation. I was really happy. I flew back to Singapore, slept, and the next day, it was orientation.

Off I went to Nan yang Junior College. I was still cranky due to jet lag. But I had real loads of fun there. I kind of regretted not staying a little longer there too. If I were to turn back the clock, I would stay there for good. Maybe it is due to the theory of relativity, with my humble backgrounds, that school was really an eye-opener. With my time spent there, I only came to conclude that I have missed so much in my school-days. The school has never failed to surprise me each day and I really return home beat but happy. Dragon Boat trainings were really refreshing, and it cultivated another new interest. I really want to join the university team when I enter one. I enjoy fast-paced lifestyle, keeps me focused, and also a better leader of my life. I will miss the college dearly.

Withdrawing from the college is hard for me. I started working after that, I am going to pass the details of the interviews and all. I had fun there as well. Basically, I learnt not only the regulations of the trade, but also more of myself. How I operate my self my attitude. Such intangible properties cannot be learnt within the walls of the classrooms and within the days spent in CCAs in school. I worked as a cinema attendant. I can cook popcorn alright! Soon, I was beginning to live life off tracks and out of the fast lane. Thus, I began to feel out of place more often than not.

The start of school brought even more imbalances into my journey. The orientation, admission administration of my polytechnic life is not a smooth sailing one. It was bombarded with a lot of pains and frustration. It seems like every time I step into the school, something omen seems to happen. I am passing on many details, as I do not want to step overboard and become too whiny. It was really sickening.

Lessons began. Ever heard of block teaching readers? My new school in the poly practices this, we all are the pioneers who have to get used to it. It simply runs in this way, 2 subjects every day of the month for 3 hours each. When the month ends, another 2 new subjects come into play. Comments and perspectives differ from individuals. After all, such policies can only be described as generally a kind of pro-and-con subject. I really felt out of place in the lessons. Not that the friends I make is very terrible. I believe it is due more toward the lifestyle practiced over there. I was shocked, really, and I always reach home heavy-hearted dreading every challenge that comes my way. My attitude deteriorated, my character plunged, and my enthusiasm nose-dived. Stepping out of the house and traveling to school each new day is always a pain. On top of that, it always seems so dreadfully long. I feel claustrophobic and breathed stale air everyday.

Living life off the fast lane is actually not that a bad idea also. It actually takes a bit more initiative to really utilize and create an all rounded education for you. For me, I quiet down as compared to my secondary school days. I observed more, and listened more. Polytechnic education is actually more realistic from what I feel. But it pays the price of specializing into a particular field. You will get chances to really apply fully what you have learnt. As compared to the junior colleges, it is more of an inverse proportion game. The slower lifestyle I walked during those few months has been actually enriching. I reflected a lot and gave certain issues a lot of thought. I would like to thank my friend, the little bun, for letting me know it is important to be a nice person everyday, for others are fighting a harder battle, and also demonstrating unconditioned kindness to as many people as I can. Patience is also another virtue I mastered after losing it. I know it does sound funny.

The Basic Airborne Course, yet another chapter of the year, considered the more exciting type. My enthusiasm boosted here, really very much. Realizing your shortcomings is really important, and then work on it, by admitting it first, then fighting it. Camaraderie is strong within us as course participants. I will remember my fellow paratroopers.

After playing a fool in the air, the coming months were not very steady. Lady luck has been ignoring my pleas. I bet you have experienced the kind of life where when you wake up from a night mare, everything in the day seems wrong. I have to put up with so many of such encounters. The curse of the painful days is back. My granny became so terribly sick; she has been combating the illness for a couple of years in the frontline bravely. She could not recognize me one day. I was heartbroken. I continued to put on a strong front even though I am really failing inside. My outside has always been confident and strong, but not the inside. It finally consumed my granny one day, I learnt of the news when I was in school before the lessons start, I rushed to her home, only to see her being wrapped up in a white cloth and sent for make up. The atmosphere was really uncomfortable. Then, funeral comes and funeral goes. I am not too sure if I am ready to be promoted to the second generation of the family.

The imbalanced energies have taken its toll on me. I really could not take it anymore. The feeling then was really horrible and I really mean it. The representation would be like, you have 2 choices. You take choice 1 and carry on and feel shitty everyday. You take choice 2, and you have to face 3 more choices, choice 2a, 2b and 2c. Thus, making such a move was really very taxing. I really had to consider a lot issues, like in the long run, how am I going to live the days properly, and this is only 1 of the many issues. That period of time was indeed the toughest moments I have endeared. So I made my choice and took a step forward, of course with a great push from my dad, and thanks so much, really. Realizing the choice was another idiotic process. Long and pushy, dry and stale, I withstood them, with fair amounts of fear. I trembled inside, and felt really vulnerable.

With all the rainy days kind of out of my life, I began to learn to share my umbrella with those who needs it more than I do and be nice and accommodating. But first I have to respect, be nice and accommodate myself on the inside, so I can handle others with my heart better. I spring cleaned my room! Every corner of it.

Basic Diving Course, the final few topics I am going to share about. I have a love-hate relation with this course. There are many factors pertaining to the above phenomenon. I did not learn very much, but it puts a lot of what I have learnt into tests. Now, as what others call me, I am an airborne-diver, I actually cannot believe it would be me sitting in the spot. It is not a title holder protocol from my perspective, it is huge responsibility. The eyes of the world are looking. I have to behave, and be more humble than any other soldier. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going, and I am definitely expected to make it with distinction. It is going to be really hard for me, and never is there going to be a time to rest. I am only human like any other human.

The year ends with a barbeque session with my secondary school classmates, it was a blast. Other than that, it was gold standard swim test, it was a blast too. It helps to ease the nonsense of 2006 that is.

Happy New Year!
It is now a new year of 2007. Let us all conquer it together! It is ours for the taking.
I am a fighter, FOR US DON'T QUIT! HOOYA!

post 15 (Cartooning and Calvin and Hobbes)

2006-12-28T23:19:00.000-08:00

I don’t think of comics as just entertainment. It’s a rare privilege to be able to talk to millions of people on a given day, so I’m eager to say something meaningful when I can. There is always pressure to write some snappy one-liner that will buy me another twenty-four hours of lead time on deadlines, but nothing depresses me like thinking I’ve become a joke factory to fill newspaper space. Whenever possible, I use the strip to talk about the things that are important to me.
I think the best comics (like the best novels, paintings, etc.) are personal, idiosyncratic works that reflect a unique and honest sensibility. To attract and keep an audience, art must entertain, but the significance of any art lies in its ability to express truths – to reveal and help us understand our world. Comic strips, in their own humble way, are capable of doing this.
The best comics expose human nature and help is laugh at our own stupidity and hypocrisy. They indulge in exaggeration and absurdity, helping us to see the worlds with fresh eyes and reminding us how important it is to play and be silly. Comics depict the ordinary, mundane events of our lives and help us remember the importance of tiny moments. They cleverly sum up our unexpressed thoughts and emotions. Sometimes they show the worlds from the perspective of children and animals, encouraging us to be innocent for a moment. The best comics, that is to say, are fun house mirrors that distort appearances only to help us recognize, and laugh at, our essential characteristics.
Surprise is the essence of humor, and nothing is more surprising than truth. When cartoons dig beyond glib punch lines, cheap sentimentality, and tidy stories to deeper, truthful experiences, they can really touch people and connect us all. As frustrated as I am by the way this business works, I continue to believe that comics are an art form capable of any level of beauty, intelligence and sophistication.
I’ve written and drawn over three thousand Calvin and Hobbes strips now, and to the extent that the strop reflects my interests, values, and thoughts, my cartoons are a sort of self portrait. The longer I’ve worked, the more I’ve used the strip to explore personal issues. When I come up with an idea that surprises me, I’m when people respond to my work, but I don’t feel accountable to public demand. Trying to please people encourages calculation, and the strip is valuable to me only insofar as it’s honest and sincere.
It’s not hard to write jokes – good characters will always have something amusing to say about their situation – but it’s very difficult to keep the strip’s world energized and expansive year after year. At the beginning of a strip, virtually every installment explores new territory, but it’s frightening how fast stories and situations become predictable. Today’s funny innovation is tomorrow’s stable formula.
My early strips look crude and forced to me now, but the characters were still introducing themselves to me. The first couple of years were exploratory efforts to create and engaging world and rounded characters. I began writing longer stories when I saw how they added dimension to the characters’ personalities and relationships. Lately, I’ve had trouble writing extended narratives that satisfy me, and I’ve been doing fewer of them. Instead, my enthusiasm has drifted to the visual possibilities of the larger Sunday strip. Over the years, Calvin and Hobbes has changed directions, but I don’t control where it goes. When everything is working, I’m more surprised by the strip’s destination than anybody.
The trick to writing a comic strip is to cultivate a mental playfulness – a natural curiosity and eagerness to learn. If I keep my eyes open and follow my interests, sooner or later the effort yields questions, thoughts, and ideas – unexpected paths into new territory. Like Calvin, I just head out into the yard in search of weirdness, and with the right attitude, I make discoveries.
Putting myself in the head of a fictitious six-year-old and a tiger encourages me to be more alert and inquisitive than I would otherwise be. Sometimes I resent the pressure to exploit every waking moment for strip ideas, but at its best, the strop makes me examine the events and live more thoughtfully. I love the solitude of this work and the opportunity to work with ideas that interest me. This is the greatest reward of cartooning for me.

I’ve always loved cartoons. With Calvin and Hobbes, I’ve tried to return some o the fun, magic, and beauty I’ve enjoyed in other comics. It’s been immensely satisfying to draw Calvin and Hobbes, and I will always be grateful to have had the opportunity to work in this wonderful art form.

by Bill Watterson

Post 14 (Food for Thought)

2006-12-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

“I do not seek redemption from the consequences of my sin. I seek to be redeemed from sin itself, or rather from the very thought of sin. Until I have attained that end, I shall be content to be restless.”

“I believe that Man has little need to drug himself. Nine hundred and ninety-nine cases out of a thousand can be brought round by means of a well-regulated diet, water and earth treatment and similar household remedies. He who runs to the doctor, vaidya or hakim for every little ailment, and swallows all kinds of vegetable and mineral drugs, not only curtails his life, but, by becoming the slave of his body instead of remaining its master, loses self-control, and ceases to be a Man.”

“Man and his deed are two distinct things. Whereas a good deed should call forth approbation and a wicked deed disapprobation, the doer of the deed, whether good or wicked, always deserves respect or pity as the case may be. ‘Hate the sin and not the sinner’ is a percept which, though easy enough to understand, is rarely practiced, and that is why the poison of hatred spreads in the world.”

“I understand more clearly today what I read long ago about the inadequacy of all autobiography as history. I know that I do not set down in this story all that I remember. Who can say how much I must give and how much I must omit in the interests of truth? And what would be the value in a court of law of the inadequate ex parte evidence being tendered by me of certain events in my life? If some busybody were to cross-examine me on the chapters already written, he could probably shed more light on them, and if it were a hostile critic’s cross-examination, he might even flatter himself for having shown up ‘the hollowness of many of my pretensions’.

Gandhi M.K. (2005). An Autobiography or The Story of My Experiments with Truth. Navajivan Mundranalaya, India: Navajivan Publishing House

Post 13 (Sit back and start imaginating)

2006-12-24T07:17:00.000-08:00

Today is Christmas eve, I thought that it would be nice to treat you people.

“Climbing aboard the C-47s was difficult, because of all the gear each man carried. Individuals were overloaded, following the age old tendency of soldiers going into combat to attempt to be ready for every conceivable emergency. The vest and long drawers issued each man were impregnated, to ward off a possible chemical attack; it made them cumbersome, they stank, they itched, they kept in body heat and caused torrents of sweat. The combat jacket and trousers were also treated. The men carried a pocket knife in the lapel of their blouses, to be used to cut themselves out of their harness if they landed in a tree. In their baggy trouser’s pockets they had a spoon, razor, socks, cleaning patches, flashlight, maps, three-day supply of K-rations, an emergency ration package (four chocolate bars, a pack of Charms, powdered coffee, sugar, and matches), ammunition, a compass, two fragmentation grenades, an antitank mine, a smoke grenade, a Gammon bomb (a two-pound plastic explosive for use against tanks), and cigarettes, two cartons per man. The soldier topped his uniform with a webbing belt and braces, a .45 pistol (standard for noncoms and officers; privates had to get their own, and most did), water canteen, shovel, first aid kit, and bayonet. Over this went his parachute harness, his main parachute in its backpack, and reserve parachute hooked on in front. A gas mask was strapped to his left leg and a jump knife/bayonet to his right. Across his chest the soldier slung his musette bag with his spare underwear and ammunition, and in some cases TNT sticks, along with his broken-down rifle or machine-gun or mortar diagonally up-and-down across his front under his reserve chute pack, leaving both hands free to handle the risers. Over everything he wore his Mae West life jacket. Finally, he put on his helmet.” [pg60]

“As the C-47 crossed the Channel, Lipton saw a sight no one had ever seen before, nor would anyone ever see again, a sight that every man who was in the air that night never forgot: the invasion fleet, 6,000 vessels strong, heading toward Normandy.
Gordon Carson was with Lieutenant Welsh. As the plane crossed the Channel, Welsh told the men near the front, “Look down.” They did, “and all of you could see as wakes. No one ever saw so many ships and boats before.” Carson commented, “You had to be a little bit awed that you were part of a thing that was so much greater than you” [pg 67, 68]

Ambrose S.E. (2001). Band of Brothers. Great Britain: Bookmarque Ltd.

Thanks for reading my words. Come again with love.
Wishing all Great Health, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Post 12 (Who's that next to you?)

2006-12-17T08:20:00.000-08:00

I was in class one day and the exercise was to draw circles to represent the different aspects of your life. Imagine a blank piece of paper, if you were to draw a circle to represent your neighbors, how big or small would it be? Where in the blank paper would it be? Would it be hiding in the little insignificant corners? Is the circle unmercifully cropped beyond recognition? Or would it be standing full round and captures all undivided attention?

For many of us, the circle would be unmercifully cropped beyond recognition isn’t it? For those who have controversial thoughts about this, good for you. Neighbors then, in that very class helped me realize that the citizens are not doing enough on our part to initiate good relations with those around us. So it is good that in schools we play icebreakers to get to know one another. Not just that pretty lass or that hunky lad.

Here is the ugly part about it. We need them around, and we know so little of them. I only had gotten to really know my neighbor, but that was before I moved into the new apartment. The neighbors whom are still in close contact today, is conveniently just a dial away. But as for now, it still is a different story altogether. I tried one day to do a little self introduction, and of course saying an energetic hello first. To my disgust, my neighbor looked into my eyes and closed the door on me. Damn, I do not commit murder or arson right.

There are several unsightly factors pertaining to why neighbors seldom communicate. Well, as of what I’ve observed as for now. Not all of it I will disclose. Firstly, the local fast paced life. Fortunate for us, it is not as fast as in Japan, but still fast enough to knock us off our balance in healthy lifestyle. Many a time, we leave early to return late. The stressed faces I remember of my neighbors. It seems so very tiring of them. Asian prides anyone? Yes, it is quite an observable trait around these days. No, it was here for quite a fair amount of time already. Conservative? Need I say more?

Why we need to know our immediate “villagers”? What would be your first reason? To get to know that hottie next door? For emergency purposes? You have it. I would for one reason. Just one other reason, neighbors can give contacts that may aid some time.

Come again, maintaining good relations with immediate neighbors is still paramount. You know why.

Thanks for reading my words. Come again with love.
Your useless everyday neighborhood waif

Whatever Things 7

2006-12-17T08:13:00.000-08:00

A knight ther was, and that a worthy man, That fro the tyme that he first bigan To riden out, he loved chivalrie, Trouthe and honour, freedom and curteisie. Ful worthy was he in his lordes were, and therto hadde he ridden, no man ferre, As wel in Christendom as in hethenesse, And evere honoured for his worthynesse.
From: The Canterbury Tales
By: Geoffrey Chaucer

Post 11 (Hope and Fear)

2006-11-25T06:18:00.000-08:00

I thought it is good that I share this. It is from Healthy Life Script Advantage.

Hope and Fear
Daily Inspiration
By Dr. John H. Sklare
Monday, May 22, 2006

I have heard it said that most decisions we make are motivated by either hope or fear. These are the two primary factors that drive our behavior and mold our thinking. Whereas thoughts of fear and apprehension (“I’ll never be able to lose this weight and get fit”) creates a negative internal mindset that leads to frustration and failure, thoughts of hope (“This body is under new management and I will succeed”) creates a positive internal mindset that leads to motivation and success. Hope has a way of mobilizing your inner resources and triggering your personal internal healing force. The point here is this: The way you look at things and think about the things has a direct impact on your emotional reaction and your sense of power. Hope and fear are interconnected, but changing the way you look at things, which is called Thought Reframing, is one way to change your emotional reaction and regain personal power.

The bottom line is that research has proven that people respond differently to messages depending on how these messages are framed in their mind. So the next time you catch yourself feeling fearful over some event or incident, try reframing it in a more positive light and you will usher in the healing forces of hope. When all is said and done, it’s all in how you see things.

Do you find negative thinking constantly popping into your head? This is both unhealthy and time consuming. Negative thinking is toxic waste to the mind. It contaminates your life by creating self-doubt, fear and discontent. It is the very fuel that creates and sustains a negative internal environment. This negativity is what I have often heard referred to as “stinkin' thinkin!” What a simple and honest way to look at this unconstructive mode of thought.

It’s so important to be mindful about the thoughts you think. The power of thought is incredible and the repetition of negative thinking over time is devastating to your sense of self-worth and your ability to find peace of mind and happiness. After all, what you do is a direct result of what you think. With that in mind, I suggest you identify one negative thought that keeps popping into your head and make today the day you start challenging that negativity. Change your thoughts and your life will follow! I guarantee it!

One of the issues that interfere with learning to live a healthy lifestyle is the fear of change. And I don’t mean the kind of change you carry around in your pocket either. The kind of change I’m referring to has to do with altering your place in life. It’s about taking an active role in the creation of who you want to be. Whether you are mindful about it or not, you are the architect of your life. Where you end up is the direct result of the actions that you take and the decisions that you make along the way. Not fearing change and learning to embrace it will significantly increase your potential for becoming that person you ultimately want to be.

This reminds me of a line that I heard in a movie once. It was a powerful and motivating line that I immediately reacted to. It went as follows: “It’s not brave if it’s not scary.” How true it is! If you fear change, make today the day you face that fear and take action because it is action that will allow you to reclaim your body and transform yourself into an incredible success story you were born to be. There lies the power of the human spirit and the muscle of determination. Make it happen! You are worth the effort!!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

-end-

Thanks for reading.

6 sgniht revetahw

2006-11-05T06:07:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody! (I'm greetin to everybody, and not you, but every body)
Welcome back to whatever things 6!
As you can see it for yourself, I have been sabotaged again. In war, steel rains on troops, here HTML codes rain onto me.

1 single, taken or crushin'?
what do you think?

2 are you happy with your life now?
Not really, but I know and foresee there will be brighter days.

3 when you meet the right person, do you fall in love fast?
Not exactly, effort is needed to further comprehend the other.Humans are complex, girls are complex, boys are complex too.

4 have you ever been heartbroken?
yes, sad to say. Strengthens my spirit though.

5 do you believe that there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
I would be patient to hear explanations especially when it is to help others.Yes. Faith to you must still be strong ultimately.

6 would you ever take someone back if she cheats on you?
Possibly, I never met with such situations.But a very very very very very very low possiblility. Nothings for sure except death and taxes.

7 ever talked about marriage to someone else?
No.

8 Do you want children?
I dislike kids yes. But i do feel that having kids help improve and be appreciative.Hopefully I would have boys and girls in any order.

9 how many?
1 boy 1 girl? A swim team! (such a busybody question)

10 would you ever consider adoption?
Possibly. Helping others is a satisfying experience.

11 if someone likes you now, what do you think it's the best way for him/her to let you know his/her feelings?
Any possible way, I will be patient to know it and why and the mumbo jumbo about me.Seems like nobody has tried semaphores to confess.

12 Do you enjoy going into a relationship?
Yes.

13 do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes.

14 do you believe you can change someone?
For the better, I would try my utmost best. Yes.

15 if you could marry elsewhere, where would it be?
On the beach would sound like fun.

16 do you give in easily when you're fighting?
Depends on the rewards, or whether if there is a substantial objective towards it.

17 do you have feelings for someone right now?
What do you think? This survey is invading my emotional privacy. This is annoying.

18 have you ever wished that you could have someone but you messed it up?
Definitely, I think it is still in a mess. How am I supposed to fix the mess, oh dear.Play a piano piece and sing my best song?

19 have you ever broke a heart?
Many times when I was younger and more insensitive. Like my parents', many many times.I hope I don't break any in time to come.

20 if one day your best friend falls in love with the girl/guy you're deeply in love with, what would you do?
Feel sad definitely. This situation is really sucky. Best to find girls your friends don't know.But, coming back to the issue, I will try to win, if not, she decides.

21 are you missin' anyone right now?
Yes, in fact, quite a number of people.

22 now you have to ask seven people to do this survey in their blogs. write their names below:
Charlie (The one from the chocolate factory)
Neo
Sauron
Captain Jack
Anakin Sykwalker
Buzz Lightyear
Nemo

Whatever Things 5

2006-11-02T07:18:00.000-08:00

Yo you hunks and babes out there! (That is if, you consider yourself one, then I'm greeting you) Welcome to the well, long waited, painfully anticipated, and all the other cool cool adjectives to add on to this, WHATEVER THINGS FIVE!
I actually had no intentions whatsoever on participating in this, but I was thinking that it would be a supplement to this for the readers. Well, since I speak so little about myself. Others before self always. It would be fun I suppose? Enjoy, well, er, hopefully you do!

7 random things about myself
love outdoor stuff
love singing
neat
interested in certain martial arts and weapons
love reading (but seldom practise)
likes rendering help to those in need
love movies (Quality ones of course)

7 things that scare me
losing the things i love
seeing the people that i love suffer
seeing a video on eye operations
seeing females suffer
anti-democracy, counter meritocracy, unbalanced opportunities due to gender issues
racists, sexists, name-sists, stream-sists, etc.-sists, district-sists
losing my health

7 random songs at the moment
how did i fall in love with you
hero
colours of the wind
flying without wings
down
Now that she's gone
endless road
(I wanted to put chinese songs, but it would be fun as not everyone would know it isn't it?)

7 people to do this
my mom (too busy to bother)
my dad (too busy to bother)
my uncle (too busy to bother)
my auntie (too busy to bother)
my younger brother (inexistant)
my elder sister (inexistant)
my younger sister (inexistant)

Thanks for reading my words. =)
NZ

p/s: the stupid "7 random songs at the moment" triggered my singing hormones. I WANT TO SING NOW but I cannot as the sun has already set and people are resting.

post 10 (christmas wishlist)

2006-10-10T01:30:00.000-07:00

I usually don’t wish for anything during festive seasons. Normally, it is due to consideration that I do not want to trouble others. I think I shall start then! But my main wish is that I get a lot of money, I am so penniless. Some dri-fit clothes will be good too. The books listed below could be found in MPH, and the records, in HMV. I think it would be quite a lot, which kind of makes me feel guilty, but it is just a wish, not a demand! (= =) There is nothing wrong!
[I want that Nike Free 7.0 (RED)]
Books I want to read:

Like the flowing river
Instant Japanese
Diary of Ma Yan
The rules of life
S.U.M.O
Calvin and Hobbes
Toto Chan
Chinese Cinderella
Little Prince
Why do men have nipples?
Why do men fall asleep after sex?
Ten
Alchemist
Eleven minutes

Movies I want to watch:

V for vendetta
Kingdom of heaven
Perfect storm
Dragon tiger gate
Vanilla sky
Black hawk down
Enemy at the gates
Operation condor
Bourne identity
Bourne supremacy
Mystic River
Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy
Underworld 1 and 2
Saw 1
Ocean’s twelve
Scorpion king
Mummy returns
Assault on precinct13
Band of brothers
Tokyo drift
Fast and furious
Typhoon
2046
Jasmine women
Aeon flux
Munich
Marksman
Rumor has it
Scary movie (all)
Keeping mum
Mortal combat (all)
Traces of a dragon
Invisible waves
Hero
X men (all)

Music:
Nothing currently, maybe just the earlier Wang LeeHom’s albums. Any soundtrack would do fine too.

wHat3veR +h!nGz IV

2006-09-12T10:08:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Whatever Things 4! For the care for all my loyal readers, it is a pain for me to see anyone of them in any difficulties. For a great big step into a better life, heres some links to read. Be it feeling grief, or the need to look good, here is what you could set your peepers on.

Eyebrow Appearance:
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/6425.asp?BID=27201&SID=6710034&EID=067ECCF9-A30F-4416-8C2F-89A6254062E5

Dealing with Sorrow:
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/374.asp?BID=27200&SID=6710034&EID=067ECCF9-A30F-4416-8C2F-89A6254062E5

Dealing with Hairloss:
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/3325.asp?BID=27052&SID=6710034&EID=067ECCF9-A30F-4416-8C2F-89A6254062E5

Recipes:
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/6396.asp?BID=27050&SID=6710034&EID=067ECCF9-A30F-4416-8C2F-89A6254062E5

Building Trust:
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/3058.asp?BID=27049&SID=6710034&EID=067ECCF9-A30F-4416-8C2F-89A6254062E5

Why Quit Smoking:
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/6391.asp?BID=27048&SID=6710034&EID=067ECCF9-A30F-4416-8C2F-89A6254062E5

Choose your scent, girls:
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/6388.asp?BID=27047&SID=6710034&EID=067ECCF9-A30F-4416-8C2F-89A6254062E5

Ice-Cream diet:
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/6385.asp?BID=27046&SID=6710034&EID=067ECCF9-A30F-4416-8C2F-89A6254062E5

A note to my dear readers, I'm not in a good _____ to do some good writing, I need to tide over this period of time. At my darkest hour, I know your everlasting support will be there for me. Thanks for everything, everyone. Hope the links are useful for you to take that big brave step into a better world for yourself in your timeframe.

Here's some titles I'm planning to write:
-movies and songs
-education techniques
-strange births
-apology
-thinking good is good for you (with reference link)
-christmas wishlist
-Men
-Calvin and Hobbes (by Bill Watterson)
-Neighbours
Sounds like a lot isn't it? Better prepare your eyes, time and a bit of money, there is a title called "christmas wishlist". Smirks* Remember to look at a far object every 20 minutes working on the system.
If you want, post a comment, I would be more than happy to read them. Do provide feedbacks, suggestions and rational subjects.
Thanks for reading my words, come again, with love,Your useless everyday neighbourhood waif

Whatever THINGS 3!

2006-08-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

Yo people! How are you doing out there? Your folks alright? Bet th'yall are! everythings alright and sweet! So WELCOME TO THE THIRD edition of Whatever things!
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/3469.asp?page=1
For all of my friends who are attached, trying to be attached, going to be attached, attached in one way or another, hoping and praying to be attached, here is something nice to read!
Cheers! Be brave, stand tall!
EE> , er, or is it <33 ? Whatever things...
Thanks for reading my words, come again, with love,
Your useless everyday neighbourhood waif

addition 2

2006-08-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

http://www.lifescript.com/articles/6325.asp?BID=26689&SID=6710034&EID=067ECCF9-A30F-4416-8C2F-89A6254062E5
an addition to the post on "parenting".

WHATEVER things II

2006-08-18T08:41:00.001-07:00

AYE AYE! Welcome to 2nd edition of Whatever things!

9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

*** Forward this to at least 11 people and see what comes on your screen, you will laugh your head off!!!!!!! This works. I don't know how...

Well, this is not what I hate, i just can't see anyone being so ungraceful right, we must have some love and tolerance within a community right? Right? Right? Ayo-yo, this writer is so ungraceful. Act so smart so smart to pick on others then in the end say "This works. I don't know how". Sigh... hormone inbalance.

WhAtEvEr ThInGs

2006-08-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first edition of Whatever Things!
Firstly this is just another 'programme' that I might want to implement for some fun for my readers. This is just those kind of 'programme' that I will just post anything around, that is not in relation to my other main posts. Consisting mainly of cold jokes! Hope you all like it! Any ideas please inform me ya!

Why the Rock (as in a piece of stone and not the wrestler's nickname) and the Ruler (the classroom tool for measurement and not the head of nation), are in such good terms with one another?
This is because everytime the ruler meets the rock, it goes, "YOU ROCK!"
The rock will reply, "YOU RULE!"
*Crow screeches and flies across* (I shall not bother the time to 'marquee' a crow for your entertainment, it stops here!)
Gratsi-eh for reading my post. Come again, with love,
Your useless everyday neighbourhood waif
Post-Script: Gratsi-eh is the "Thank You" in Italian.

addition

2006-08-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

http://www.lifescript.com/articles/3414.asp?page=1
a good web on the post on 'dreams'

post 9 (why why my achievements)

2006-08-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

For those of you loyal readers of this blog, this may be a bit of a treat to you; this post is a bit more entertaining.
Throughout my 17 years of my life, every time I earn an award back home, I will only feel happy for a while, anticipating the reception of the prize, the money or whatever. However after all, I don’t seem proud that I have made a mark somewhere. I know that there are people worse off, but I just don’t seem to feel that I’m already somewhere.
In my cabinet there are a few prizes (3 of my lower-primary school sport prizes are being thrown away).
These are namely,
CCA appreciation,
Top in secondary 1 DnT,
Secondary-2 CCA best trainee,
Cross country secondary 4/5 (8th),
Geylang United youth soccer camp 3rd team placing,
Secondary 3 cross country 1st team,
4 x 400m ‘C’ division 1st team,
Primary 6 long jump 2nd,
Elementz science award Gold,
Top in secondary 4 express stream preliminary - pure physics and pure biology,
4th position in Cross country secondary 3,
Kayaking singles 2nd placing.
I feel so guilty after naming all these ( I know for sure some of you have a lot a lot more, just do not laugh at me, it is bad!). But now I see all these things with a funny perception, they seem just objects to me. It seems just for me to remember the moments and learning points in the progress of getting it. After all I make a lousy paratrooper, all obstacles end and I’m back to square one. These things don’t seem to make me respect myself better anyway. So why am I not proud of my achievements? Am I humble, dumb, ignorant, ill-perception, arrogant or what?
One thing I can be sure of is that I aim sometimes too high a standard for myself. That in the end I end up hurting my own feelings. There is a saying, “aim for the moon, if you miss you’ll land amongst the stars”. For me, being on the stars sucks, because the star just sucks as it is incomparable to the moon. I hope my dear readers don’t mock me. After all I’m just your another everyday neighborhood useless chap walking around doing his own shallow business.
Your useless everyday neighbourhood waif.

post 8 (make us proud)

2006-08-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

So how’s reading my blog coming along? I bet you have puked all over the floor due to distaste.
Just to share a bit of my observation. I’ve heard this phrase, “make the Indians proud”, on several occasions. In all the situations, both the speaker and recipient are Indians. Come to think of it, most likely it is to strike a sense of belonging and identity amongst the commonwealth of Singaporean Indians. So cool huh!
I’ve never heard anyone say, “make the Chinese proud”.
Your useless everyday neighbourhood waif.

post 7 (parenting)

2006-08-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

Parenting is undoubtedly the most difficult task to hold in one’s life. It challenges people’s moral examples, leadership, domestic skills, resourcefulness, courage and love. This nerve-wrecking responsibility may not be anyone’s trade.
Ultimately, there is a kid in every parent. There are bound to be struggles. But who and what could have replaced such rewarding and satisfying experience?
The child, a product of parent’s mutual love, is a platform for the craft of a better generation. Upbringing is paramount, is an art, and is a guide.
I watch with sheer interest the movie “jersey girl”, starring Ben Affleck. It portrays the pains and struggles of fathering a girl to senses in pre-school (or is it elementary school?). I then realize I have so much to be grateful for. Usually, I’m just a blunt and senseless person. All that I can say for myself is that I am only growing.
I’ve bet you all have heard that recent kids are such a thorn in the flesh. Surely there is a wrong calculation of formula in the parenting and environmental side. Just like a seedling receiving the wrong kinds of nutrients will turn out bad. Parenting has its requirements. Well for me I have more suggestions, basically because I have this distaste for kids.
Just to side-track a bit, don’t you think that having a full well-sponsored and well-organized course for parenting would be cool? It would teach baby handling, leadership course, motivational course, communication skills, child psychology, and all that your creative juices may spew.
Over time, as the child grows, approaches must also be different. Baby grows to toddler, to child, to big child, to teens, to young adult, and finally adult, the job is done, easier said than done. Imagine “ah-goo-goo”-ing to a teen. The thought tickles me.
There is a saying, well, I kind of forgot what it was like, but the meaning is something like, there will not be an ‘unteachable’ kid, but there will be ‘unable to teach” parents. So, if a parent does not know how to teach, it is better to at least be a role model for the poor freshmen to emulate.
In conclusion, as mentioned in earlier posts, take life’s challenges with good attitude and learn from it. In the process of bringing up a kid, the parent grows too. In the end, both become better everyday. It is tested that mother mice’s fair better in getting themselves out of a maze (experiment subject), as compared to virgin mice’s. Now it is proven that women’s minds develop as a mother and get smarter. (Already so smart and get smarter?) So dear girls, I am not encouraging giving birth here, but it is just a slice of the cheesecake. Slurp!
So, before hitting the bed, couples, read more and think! Cheers and good luck for the next stage of humanity.
Your useless everyday neighbourhood waif

error

2006-08-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

There seem to be an error with the coding of the apostrophe and the open and close quoting. Will find time to doctor it ya! Sorry for the inconvenience caused.
Cheers,
Your useless everyday neighbourhood waif.

post 6 (anecdotes, journals, diaries,recounts)

2006-08-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

I’ve heard of this little story of a guy whose life been turned around for the better by pure means of faith.

This person, A, (the name is not disclosed for protection and I’ve forgotten then name as well) is already a gang member in the early teens, on fights drugs and all, you name it, more or less he’s done it. Life for such a poor soul seems to have taken the wrong turn into the abyss at such an early age. I’m not saying too much of details as it are quite gory to even hear, or in your case, read.

Fortunately due to the feel of guilt and the need for repentance, A prayed. Not too sure of what to say in a silent and seemingly futile prayer, but still, A prayed.

And over tides and waves and tsunamis, A still tried hard. Now A is a successful engineer working and finally being able to stand on his own.

I’ve always supported the faith in a religion for character building and some good interpersonal skills. However, I also feel that such cases should only play a smaller part of an individual’s life and shouldn’t be over-reliant for it. We are ultimately living the lives for ourselves and living it the way we want it to be. We all hope to live in a better world, where peace and harmony and all the other attribute that you may name.

Ironically I’m free-thinker. That is just how I feel about it.

post 5 (dreams)

2006-08-13T09:15:00.000-07:00

Every time you go to bed it is scientifically proven that you will dream. Some of you may argue that that is not true. This is because during the elapsed time of the night (most of the time) sleep, the dream is occurring in the first part of the sleep. And along the way, it is forgotten. However some of its “debris” may be “caught” in your mind’s “RAM” system. That is why sometimes when we have deja-vus only then we realize that we have dreamt such an event.

I usually have peaceful sleeps and forgetting all my dreams the moment my eyelids unveil to present my cornea for another day of sight. On recent days, there are dreams that really have strong impacts, waking me up even. I think that sometimes these are trying to tell me sometime, warn, congratulate, despise or whatever.

Have you ever dreamt when your eyes are wide opened? Maybe it is just a poor circulation of oxygen in the blood to the brain, that neural cellular activity malfunctions and produces images in the mind. This phenomenon feels so real you could touch it.

I believe that sometimes the dreams that we have portrays a message in metaphorical forms, not necessarily taking its original forms in the dream, but a representation of something else. This is why the dream is yours and it is up to you to decipher it for yourself.

post 4 (other ways of seeing)

2006-08-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

This would be more of a perception kind of lesson. I took much interest in one of my modules in my institution; it is about looking at an issue with a different attitude, a different angle, and a different overall purpose.

This kind of training is usually given to artists, designers and people who go more into the line of artwork or leadership. A given simple analogy is a rectangular block. On most sides; it shows a rectangle, or sometimes a square if you are lucky. Did u realize that it may produce a shape of a trapezium on or under a rectangle? It can even produce an irregular hexagonal shape, all based on different viewing of a form.

The song is impairing my trail of thoughts. (“Lose yourself”- Eminem) [playing on the system now]

I would like to share this essay I’ve written in the module, not that it is wonderful but I want to share the thought that goes in it. Here goes

We know how a busy alley looks like especially during the festive seasons. Hundreds of people pass in the mere minute. Do you ever wonder the person who just apologized quietly for bumping into you might be the next president of our republic? What I am trying to put across is that we encounter different people different faces everyday in our lives, but as part of the human nature, we are easy to judge and pass a comment from our loose tongues. Do we actually harbor real respect for others? Even if we do, do we give ourselves sufficient respect and space to grow and improve?
We humans, as mentioned above, are always easy to judge others by the cover. Picture a beggar in your minds now, what do you see. You’d probably see an old skinny, haggard man in grey tattered clothes emitting huge whiffs of stench attracting curious flies. That’s right; humans tend to have a stereotype of every character installed into our minds. That’s why when the eye meets the subject, the mind reflexes is to classify. This is a bad habit. Who knows the beggar hanging in you minds a moment ago is actually a Stanford college student? Therefore, being judgmental is only putting the viewer into a huge disadvantage, as the mind is always shutting the eye, blinded from the truth, and hence, the knowledge inquiry of a subject will never be sharpened.
Secondly, I would like to point out the issue of self respect. Look into the mirror, what do you see. Typically one would see a face, consisting of a pair of eyes, ears, a nose and a mouth. Now imagine a famous leader, people like Gandhi, Rajaratnam, Lim Bo Seng, etc. Picture their face; do you only see their facial elements? Or do you see someone with power, with ability, with courage, attitude, character, you name it. Do facial features even matter to the mere detail now? In other ways of seeing, the average man always misses the person behind the skin. Hence the saying, “beauty is skin deep”, this phrase tells us that values principles and capabilities are usually hidden and not written on the skin. It does take effort to fish the characteristics out. Because of this common err; we always miss out the real person we are looking into the mirror each morning before battling the day in work or at school.
Lastly, because most humans choose the conventional perception, we lack certain respect for others too. When told that a person is irresponsible in work, we usually think of it as his main quality and nothing else. Hence every encounter with him would have a dark shadow over him. What happens to his other qualities, like being good at math, art? It will all be blinded from you. I took notice of this internet joke with great interest. It quotes, “1) not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.”, and from a Star Wars comic, “It may be a bad day today. But don’t be quick to judge. Tomorrow, a year or maybe ten years then you will know.” This is because we seldom acknowledge the valuable life lessons learnt during harsh times. Usually we will be thinking of the shallow level of situations that is the stress that problems bring. From a different perspective, hardships mould an individual, sharpens one’s senses and hence a more powerful person is born. Because of a narrowed view, a fear of suffering is created and we will be timidly unable to venture out of our comfort zones to meet our limits.
In conclusion, the faces we meet in our everyday lives bring a rich character and history behind each and every one of them. Great respect and value must be put into the approaching of every individual in everyday endeavors.

There gone. How is it? I just saw the news today and I came to see that the French exchange students in the media studio speak good Chinese language! Though strong in European general accent, all bore the thought of working in china. Coming to think of it some of our local Chinese Singaporeans cannot even speak a well constructed sentence. What a wide world it is outside.

post 3 (We design, build and clean this shelter for you)

2006-08-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

In the Singapore Government, the leaders usually stress upon us, the children (every Singaporean) of our nation, to practice to a large extent the tolerance and sensitivity to racial and religious issues. This is because we’re simply living in it, a multi-cultural society. This thus has carved a niche of identity to our nation. If should common sense fail and friction between origins are heated out, would then spell trouble by the letters in uppercase.

In the Temasek Polytechnic Design School, there is this poster that interests me. It is a picture of an illustrated African kid in a clear packaging. It states, “Feeds as you like, arms and feet moveable, mouth always shut” and, “while stocks last, works for long hours”. Well actually there were more comments that my shallow memory couldn’t store. What ever it is, it is about African child exploitation. Racial harmony, as far as Singapore could excel, could not be spread to the world. We do not hear American kids being exploited; we do not hear British kids being exploited. Why, is it always African kids, or sometimes the Asian kids? Even so, in Singapore, I will not really give a full confident state that we have real racial respects. During your childhood age, I bet you have heard of racist jokes, and I bet you were laughing your lungs out weren’t you. When I was young I swear I didn’t laugh as I was too dumb to catch the tickle factor of the joke. Now when I hear it is kind of irksome to me, but whatever it is, sex jokes irritate me most.

Of all those racist jokes, most of which have their fingers pointing at the darker skinned don’t you think so? So I was beginning to wonder what on earth is so fascinating about dark skins. Do we actually have to comment? Isn’t it quite shallow? If it is just color issue to be tickled about, what about the albinos who are totally pale? These kinds are surely worse off.

Having different skin color seems to have a kind of grudge with the world. Asians are usually discriminated in the west. What ever it is, if we want to clear what ever discrimination in the world, we got to start from the inside. I do not mean inside each country but inside each of every nation’s every single child’s heart. In each heart there must be a desire for such common love for the time and space of the world. Nobody said it was easy, not every citizen has a benign upbringing like you, not every person standing under the sky has a good heart, and not every pumping heart is mature.

Now come to the reflection point. This is just a small tiny little issue. If the Singaporean government claims to boast their citizens’ ability to display full throttle inter racial-religious tolerance, why did such a wrong poster has been put up? The poster can be found in bus stops with a (probably) Bangladeshi in lime green vest with a piece of cleaning rag, saying, “We design, build and clean this shelter for you”. Looks familiar? I bet it is! Sigh. Why can’t an image of a white contractor holding storyboard sheets with a meter rule and yellow helmet on looking proud of his work? Doesn’t it kill two birds with a stone? Need I say more?

post 2 (trying to stomach it)

2006-08-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

In life’s journey, there’s bound to be ups and downs. Ups are relished, downs are just being condemned. However there is always one thing in common between the two, that there is something to learn from. We all lead busy lives; usually we travel so fast that we forsake such important lessons richly packed in these endeavors.
There is this story of this boy, an innocent little boy who found out that his house distiller is malfunctioning. Immediately, he told his dad. Unfortunately, for some unexplained reasons, his dad unreasonably blamed his poor honest child for the appliance fault. Friction has been created; the child has suddenly fallen into rage’s pit. The boy boycotted his own biological dad for an entire month! Not to mention speaking bad about him to his mother, which is dad’s wife in common sense!
Now, if you can, take a step back and think. What wrong has his dad done? What wrong has the boy done? What right is there to comment on the above mentioned scenario? What lessons are there to learn?
This is just a little something for the mind to think about. Singaporeans live too fast a pace of life. We are constantly running and never slowing down to admire that pretty flower by the pavement and appreciating the greens that provide the free-flow of fresh air for a healthy day out. There is really too much to thank in the world. However not to worry about the child and his father, everything’s never been better.
I have a friendship that was made in a secondary school uniformed group. It was a good one, more like a brotherhood. But there are also frictions not to mention, that I am still wondering how on earth it happened today. There was once I got promoted and there was this assignment for me to do, I was head of this project then. So I fabricated a training program and I set a choice to my platoon mates, saying that those in charge of certain responsibilities are required to turn up. Those not taking specific roles have an option to be present or not. It is ok if this group of my friends doesn’t turn up and rest at home. For some reasons, this buddy of mine who happen to be in this particular group not taking specific role fell out on me and accused me of abusing my newly promoted rank and power being in main committee. This is strange, unresolved until today; I’m still scratching my scalp hard on this issue. Not to worry, it has been long forgotten, but still at the back of my mind.
Some evil event occurred during the period after my O levels and finishing this student cadet officer’s course. On the phone one day we’re chatting nicely and suddenly he popped a question, “Do you think you are better than me?”
It severely disgusted me. I can’t understand what is going on (I just hope it is not what I think it is). There isn’t the mutual trust in there. I could’ve just hung up but I don’t think doing so is right. Just because there is whatever difference in attributes, does not mean such judgments could be shot at me. But still, it is my life and I have to face it head on. In life’s journey, sometimes it is such struggles and discomforts that make you stronger, some gets more and some gets less. I personally feel that if you get more misfortunes that others, it might be because you need a bit more training for a resilient soul. Some gets less as they might be able to pick up and learn fast? Whatever it is, a good attitude and perception is vital toward such endeavors.

It may be a bad day today, but we will not know until tomorrow, next year, or in a decade’s time, only then we will realize.

Post 1 (Genesis)

2006-08-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

My little humble blog has been born. This shall not be any other kind of online diary, I hope I have that kind of discipline to prove so, as I can't really tolerate shallow internet content? Yes, that should be.
I also feel that using the internet to write your life in it is kind of funny, why would anyone not want some kind of privacy? Maybe it is just a platform for an individual to pour out their souls of suffering. An introvert could also use such a technique to express themselves.
Blogging has caused several problems within our society; we all know what famous events there were to name. Blogging, in other ways of seeing, may not be an online diary, information broadcast, or any other that you know better, could also be a way to search for help? In "I not stupid 2" the mother learns so much about her son via the blog.
Clearly, the director wants to show that such a form of communication has its pros.
Nevertheless, I hope I can share views that could help us realize some issues? What a preacher. Should you read further you will get to know me more. In all my entries there will be a little bit of me reflected. Do help comment and maybe raise some issues. Cheers, good luck (preparation meets opportunity), stay cool, stay sharp, you do what you think is right, and think.